I Get It

I was in a dark place for a while, but I managed to face my demons and come out the other side alright. Part was due to positive thinking, but the other part of it was due to actually facing an adverse situation in my life. In this particular situation I was forced to confront it because I had no other alternative, and it ended up working out better than I could have imagined.

I have a horrible habit of running away from what scares me or makes me unhappy rather than facing it head on. I know it's a bad habit because 9 times out of 10 it isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, and all I ended up accomplishing was wasting hours of my life worrying about something that was out of my control in the first place. I've worked long and hard to try and change my approach to things, and I have to say that it appears to be working. Thank goodness, because I've had a lot of tests against my resolve lately!

I'm not angry any more. I've had this simmering anger toward certain things in my life, and no matter how I tried to change my views or approach the situation in a different way it just didn't matter. I'd be hurt, angry, confused, scared... all those toxic emotions that make us so unhappy in our lives. But, in facing the part of my life that was so depressing to me the past month and then having a wonderful weekend full of family and friends at my childrens' birthday party, it really proved to me that I am stronger than I gave myself credit for. I have more control over my life than I had realized (in my mind I had known, but in my heart I guess I didn't because I actually felt it this weekend and finally understood), and I am surrounded by more love than I realized. The other stuff, the bad/hurt feelings, are no longer a consideration for me. I am worth so much more than that, and there is so much that is wonderful around me that I just don't care to waste a moment on the other 'stuff.' If it hurts me or makes me feel bad then I'm done with it. I won't allow the external to control me any more, because I am stronger than that. I am NOT a result, but I AM a cause!!!!!

And so it is.

--Jenn

Exercise #2 - Kim's Results

I sadly have no results today for exercise #2 which was to create my visualization board. It was yet another crazy week. It's the holidays so I guess that's to be expected! I'm hoping one day this week to set aside some time and pick out pictures. I have them in my head so I'm hoping that counts for something and I go through it every night before bed. There are some pressing matters though where I think I need to have it on that board to keep me on track. One of them revolves around money - especially now since we took Sean's car in to get fixed (took it to somewhere we have a credit card for since we don't have $1000 laying around) and that's just what it's costing us to fix - $1000. I feel ill. I actually started to resort back to the days where I'd get so worked up about money I felt I couldn't breathe. Then I reminded myself it's okay to feel the feelings, but feel them and then let them go and it worked. I'm still a tad bit panicky feeling but I'm working on us receiving money rather then sitting around worrying about it.

Once I get my board done (and I'm making it a task to be completed by this weekend) I will be back to post a picture of it and explain it all. Hopefully once I get that done, and write it all on here as well I'm hoping that goes towards the process of "getting it out there".

-Kim

Exercise #2: Visualization

Neither of us got to make our visualization board last week so we decided that this week we would focus on that. I'm currently going through magazines, pictures online, and different positive affirmations I've collected over time. I have a piece of cardboard from a box that I'm going to use to mount the pictures on and I have the perfect place to hang it so I'll be reminded daily of what I can have and will be getting. I'll be able to put myself in the pictures and feel what it's like to live the way I want... now.

Remember: No want is too big or too small.

See you in a week!

Results

Well. I have to say that I am a bit surprised by what happened this week! I focused on money because, let's face it, we can always use more. The hardest part of this exercise (for me) was truly believing what I thought vs. just thinking it. Money has always been a tough subject for me because my family just squeaks by every month. We were a paycheck-to-paycheck family as it was, and just recently I lost my job, so we ended up down a paycheck. The problem with that is that the bills don't stop, right?

My thoughts for this week were: "I have money. Money is flowing to me continuously. The mail is bringing me checks in the amount of $500 or more every week."

The first interesting thing that occurred was my husband's paycheck! Why is this so out of the norm? Because lately he hasn't gotten paid... At all! We can go a month without seeing a check (he owns his own business and sometimes can't afford to pay himself), and this is the first time in four years that he got paid the following Friday! That makes a true weekly paycheck for the first time in 1,460.9688 days!

The second great event was my invitation to participate in a vendor fair. That's great for me; a chance to make some money!

Thirdly, I got the notice from unemployment that I have been approved. This is huge because I've been fighting with them since the beginning of September. The final number is good, and I have a lot of back weeks that will be deposited soon.

Fourth: Some stocks I had got bought out by the new owner of the company. I got the final number from my broker and that number in my bank account will be helpful for the holiday season.

The fifth thing is a bunch of little things. I got a few $50 checks from people who owed me money for one reason or another. It's helps a lot since I was wondering how I was going to pay the electric bill!

So, that's my update on the weeks exercise. Now it's time for Kim to check in!

--- Jenn