There is No Limit

Each one of us is an outlet to God and an inlet to God.

Ernest Holmes

Yes, we are. I've changed in thinking so much that now rather than sitting around waiting for 'it' to happen and for 'It' to do 'it' for me and for 'It' to give me what I want, I've come around to understanding that we are all an active part in our circumstance as well as in our results. As a part of God, goodness flows through me and as me, so there is no limit to what I can achieve! This is not to say that we don't have to put forth effort to get the results we want, but it is saying that we are only limited by the limits we put on ourselves.

-- Jenn

Holding My Hand

We have a prayer box at Church. We all send our positive energy for the requests at the end of the service and then the ecclesiastical team does their treatment work for 30 days after that. Rev. Nikki always cautions us that the result we may get may not be the one we wanted up front, but rather is the one that is for the greatest good of all involved.

A few months ago I put a "prayer request" into the prayer box myself. I've only done three requests myself; one was for my mother to beat her cancer, the other was to have a healthy and happy pregnancy, and the other was this request (I'll share in a moment). The first two appear to have been well received and I am so very thankful for that!

Anyway, this request I left broad. I didn't want to make any provisions or stipulations because I'm very aware of the negative affects that can have on the outcome of our desires. I did treatment work on my request and decided to let the Universe work it's magic and help me on my way.

I've had this request in the back of my mind since putting that piece of paper in the prayer box. I haven't "thought it to death" or tried to claw my way through it, but I have thought about it and done mini-treatment work as the thoughts rolled through my mind. I've kept my eyes open and my head clear so I'd be ready when the situation presented itself... And I believe it did!

My request was to find a job I could do working from home so I can raise my children. I feel my son has really gotten an unfair 'start' in life with me having to work full time and I don't want this new baby to be put in to daycare at six weeks old. It's been a driving force for me, so I decided to ask for the Universe's help.

As I said, I didn't push the issue with myself; I just stayed receptive and I was almost guided to a possible solution without any manipulation on my part! Here's how it fell together:

I'm a member of an on-line expecting club. One day someone started a thread about what we did for a living. I don't normally read through all the posts to a subject like that (there were over 100 responses) but I did. There were the usual teachers, social workers, paralegals, but there was one woman reported that she worked from home doing Medical Transcribing. I decided to contact her to see if it may be feasible for me to do something like this, but I wasn't holding out too much hope since I know that's one of the 'careers' that falls victim to scams. She wrote me back and gave me all sorts of information about it, along with the website to the school she graduated from so I could do research.

I spent 2 months researching the school and the profession itself. The downsides were money (4 thousand dollars for the course) and a time line of 18 months. I spent those two months agonizing over the decision and reading over every bit of information I could get... And then I realized something. Here I was, being handed something that I had asked for, and I was trying to find every reason not to follow the Universe's lead! How silly was I being? I had this opportunity handed to me, my prayer answered, and I was choosing to sit by and stare at it? No way!

I enrolled. Just like that.

I immediately began introducing myself on the forums. After two days I got a private message from someone who lives near me, which is pretty amazing considering this course is world-wide. It got stranger still as we progressed in our discussions; she's newly pregnant, has suffered miscarriages just as I have, is on the same medical supplements as I was, and is on the same blood clotting medication as I am! We have a plan to meet up when our schedules allow and I can't wait.

So, although I'm a bit overwhelmed by the stuff I have to do, I have no doubt that this was a gift received from the Universe itself. I am so very thankful to have this opportunity and I will do everything I can to make it a success!

Timing

I had a great disappointment yesterday and I found myself turning to my Spirituality. That was a fantastic moment because it was a completely unconscious mindset, which proves to me that I'm making progress in my journey!

My parents extended a fantastic offer to my husband and I last week that involved helping us to finance a house in their neighborhood. We saw the house, fell in love, and then my world fell in around us on Wednesday night when my husband said the horrible words, "It's just too much for us."

I cried, I blamed, I got angry. I became a monster inside and spent a great deal of time trying to figure out the center of my anger. Yes, I loved the house, loved the possibility of getting out of this slowly decaying neighborhood I'm in, adored the thought of living within walking distance of my parents... But there was more.

My husband worked the whole day pushing and pulling numbers. He talked to everyone he knew to talk to. He called banks, came up with plans, did some yelling, all while I sat here numb. I did some math of my own, but didn't come up with much (being dyslexic in these situations causes me more grief than results), but I did begin to feel better about it all at around noon on Thursday. I was a bit surprised, but I'm a "hard and fast" griever so I went with it.

We had a contract written up that night and, when ready to send it, got the word that a previous contract had just been received. Ours wasn't needed.

Now, I was expecting complete emotional destruction on my part. I couldn't believe that after all of that work, heartache, fighting, and detestation, that the Universe would just take what I wanted from my grasp!.... But, nothing happened. I was disappointed, but that's all: Disappointed.

I did some treatment work about the situation and then thought a lot about it all last night and this morning. It is so unlike me to look into defeat and just shrug my shoulders, but I have. I am still half waiting for a breakdown, but I just don't feel it, which makes me think that I'm beginning to get some control over my life.

That's what it boils down to, right? I think I freaked out in the beginning because I felt like I had no control over our situation; that we were stuck where we are. Then, when I saw there was a chance to change our position, I was able to calm down and relax. As for the disappointment in losing the house? I can only explain that by control as well. I did treatment work (control because I have Faith in the results) and, because I can accept that all of this fell apart for a reason, I experienced another aspect of control.

I truly believe the Universe did what it needed to do to keep me and my family safe, and who am I to argue that?

--- Jenn

Love

Love was the topic last Sunday. That's a pretty broad subject and one that I'm not too comfortable with to be honest. I feel that people say "I love you," all the time and don't mean it or, if they do mean it at the time, it's usually a fleeting feeling that ends up dissipating or changing form soon after the words are spoken. *Shrug* I know, it's an 'issue' of mine.

Anyway, the whole discussion what wonderful in it's delivery, but two things really stood out in my mind.

The first was the sentiment that noticing our shortcomings in love is a sure sign of potential change. This was a huge thing for me to hear, because for a long time I've been thinking about the way I love. It may sound strange, but I protect myself very carefully and have for a good number of years. It's become very evident in the past four years; ever since having my son in fact. I am terrified of loving someone 100% because the very thought of allowing myself to feel something so deeply and completely and then having it taken away, leaves me with such a sense of dread and fear that I almost can't breathe. I am very aware that I don't love my spouse or my son with abandon and I've been working to change that. I love them the most and the best I can, but I also know that I don't love recklessly and leave my heart wide open to everything. I know some of that is left over from the horrible start my son had in life and the weeks I spent preparing myself to lose him, and I know as far as my spouse goes it has a lot to do with fear of losing him as well, but I also know that I want to let go and love like there is no end in sight. I've gotten close with my son, but every time I experience such an overwhelming rush of emotion I pull myself back because I become terrified. My hope is that, in recognizing that I'm missing so much, I can change this. I know I'm missing out!

The second thing I found so moving was the deliverance of the thought: You can always find a way over the tallest mountain. Even when it looks like you've reached the end of the path and no matter where you turn there are objects blocking you're travel, continuing looking. It may take some time and it may take a little bit of imagination and thinking outside of the norm, but there is always a path, even if it's one that leads straight up and appears to be too difficult to navigate. It isn't, once you put one foot in front of the other.

--- Jenn

Needing to Hear

Today they spoke about finding your oasis in the desert. It was a wonderful sermon, and it was just what I needed to hear.

I've been feeling a little down the past few days, worrying about finances and other such things, and then on Friday night our air conditioning broke. Living in Florida without a/c is almost unthinkable, and when it happened all I could do was cry because I know that a new a/c unit is thousands of dollars. We don't have hundreds of dollars, let alone thousands! So, this event coupled with some other things that have happened led me to give up. I am usually the one to find positive in everything, to point out what good can come of something, but this was all too much to bear. I even said, "That's it. I don't care anymore. We never get ahead as hard as we try, so I'm over it. I'm done."

I wasn't going to go to Church this afternoon (a sure sign that I needed to go) but my mom comes with me now and I know she needs it. She was diagnosed with breast cancer two months ago (her second time) and I know she finds a lot of peace within the walls of the Church, part of which comes from us going together, so I got myself together to go.

I'm glad I did! The discussion centered around mirages and how they are real concrete things that exist somewhere but appear somewhere else, and how we as humans allow the same occurrence within our own lives to manifest in doubt and fear. For instance; The air conditioner breaking this weekend was true and real enough, but my fear about not having the money to fix it is the mirage; the image of my uncertainty manifesting as disbelief. This disbelieving in God's ability to provide what I need is in itself a mirage! Because of this I know I need to reevaluate myself and my feelings, my inner self and my confidence that I will have the means for the repairs. The other part of this scenario, the means of not getting one's self trapped into following a mirage, is to stop focusing on the horizon. That is, stop looking at the future and the "what ifs" and "if x than y," because that takes the focus off of the now and on the Truth that we know and feel within ourselves.

As I thought more about this, I realized a few interesting things. One is that the temperatures here in Florida are unseasonably low, so we haven't even needed the a/c and won't for a few days. Secondly, by the time we do need it, my overtime should come through and we should be OK. Thirdly, why am I starting to doubt the Universe now? In all the years past we have struggled financially but we have survived. We have had close calls many, many times, and somehow the Universe has provided for us in one way or another. Where some people have a lot of money at their disposal and lack in other areas of their life, we seem to lack in the finance area, yet thrive in all the other major aspects of life. This is what I am thankful for, and I have to remind myself that money really isn't everything, even though it is nice to have.

It's amazing how frustration and fear can manifest itself in so many different ways! I recognize it in myself when I get angry because I know that's how I deal with emotions... What about you? How do you deal with emotions of unrest and unknowing? Is it something you can change? Is it something you want to change, or are you comfortable expressing and feeling things the way you do? How can you go about changing?....

--Jenn

Nothing Is Real To Us Unless We Make it Real

Yesterday's message was, as usual, right on point for me. Paraphrased, it was that we can't try to shape our lives by trying to manipulate what we need. We spend so much time trying to "fit a square peg in to a round hole" that we miss what is right in front of us! By having such preconceived notions of what is good for us, we sometimes walk right by what is being offered.

I've been working on this a lot the past few months. When I find myself getting focused on one thing, trying to figure out how to make it work without really analysing the problem and all the possibilities, I stop myself and remember that the Universe knows what I need. I have lessons to learn and experiences to be lived, yet the Universe will ultimately provide for me as needed. I have to trust, to have faith, that it will work out just as it should. Don't get me wrong; I do ask for what I want, but I have changed the way of my request. Rather than giving specifics I give a general outline and I make sure to add that what I want must be "for the higher and greater good of everyone involved."

True, the very act of asking for something gives me a sense of control, plus it slows my thought process enough to flip my situation around and find the positive in it. For instance; I've found that when I get disappointed by people's behavior I take a step back and think about why it's happening in my life. What am I learning from it? Is there something that I'm meant to see? Is there somewhere that it's going to lead me? More often than not I find my anger lessening, a greater understanding about the issue occurs, and in turn I get that control over my life back. Now, sometimes I'm slow in finding the answer or the answer ends up being something that I don't want to hear, but I always find the Truth in it at the end.

I have put in to action some of the things that I have learned and come to understand since I started living this Truth and I can honestly say that my life is that much better for it. I have stepped away from situations that were poison to me, distanced myself from people who hurt me or didn't respect my place in their life, and I've managed to see many instances where I've gotten in the Universe's way and, in turn, am learning how to step aside. There is much, much more for me to learn, but I am confident that I am on the right path!

-- Jenn

"The Way It Works"

"Nothing is real to us unless we make it real. Nothing can touch us unless we let it touch us. Refuse to have feelings hurt. Refuse to receive anyone's condemnation. Believe and feel that you are wonderful. This is not conceit- it is the Truth."

--- Science of the Mind Textbook, page 307-- Holmes

That was the opening prayer on Sunday. It was truly ironic that this message was given to me not two hours before hearing some news that plunged me into an emotional tailspin. My grief was so real and so raw I could feel my heart ripping apart, and I could hear my soul weep. I allowed myself some time to feel the anger and self-pity, but then I gathered myself together and did my best to put in to practice what I have been learning.

The sermon this week was, as usual, fantastic. I listened with my whole being for the full hour, almost as if I knew that something was amiss in the world outside of the church. It was a great hour and I left there feeling such peace, just as always.

Of the most meaningful to me this week were the following:

When we feel lost or lack of wisdom, look within. We all have it, we just need to learn how to access it. We need to believe that we have the wisdom, this Spirit, just as we believe gravity and it's existence. I thought this was a very powerful thought and I've done a lot of ruminating on this the past day or two. To believe in something, to trust something because your soul just feels it, is an amazing thing. The thought of being so grounded in Faith to the point of not questioning it and living your life like it just is, amazes me. This is what I strive for; the constant feeling that "it" is within me!

Two of the best quotes I've heard in a while were uttered during this service. "A double minded man gets nowhere," and, "The archer hit the target in part by pulling away and in part by letting go." I won't taint your interpretations of these quotes, but what I got out of them were pretty poignant!

-- Jenn