What We Feel

I have always thought of Tarot Cards and Angel Cards as a way to tap into our intuition. I have never believed that the picture revealed is a given, but rather a symbol of what you yourself know but don't want to face (or don't know to face).

I was talking to someone about this today, and we began talking about the book Running with Scissors. I haven't seen the movie, but I just finished the book, and it really haunted me. Partly because of the kinds of people I work with, and partly because I know that we are all just this side of "crazy" ourselves. I often wonder if being around certain kinds of people cause us to be a certain way, or at the very least cause us to begin taking on or emphasizing certain traits, almost as a means to survival. Adaptation is key in the wild, and seeing as we're only domesticated creatures ourselves it stands to reason that sometimes our characteristics, or rather our energy, is subject to manipulation.

Not A Rock

We all have our faults. Some people have more glaring faults than others it seems, but the fact remains that we all have them, big or small.

I have many, many faults. I overeat, I am jealous, I speak badly of people at times, I have lied... Granted, I have come a long, long way in my journey to overcome these faults, but at times I find myself sitting abreast of them and riding them forward full force before I recognize that I have embodied the very traits I loath in other people.

The one glaring issue I'm having right now is taking other people's circumstances and placing myself into them. In essence I'm judging other people, but in my defense it isn't actually the people I'm judging so much as I'm judging their reality in place of my own. It isn't fair to myself or to these other people, and all I can do is blame it on the fact that I'm so stuck in my own circumstance that I can't fully separate myself.

Does this make me a bad person? I have to ask myself this, because not too long ago I could always give advice that I truly feel was "right" for the issue at hand, and I never once made things about me. However, I find myself getting angry or saddened by other peoples' life experiences, and it isn't fair. When I'm like this, can I be a good resource? Can I really be the person who can offer a strong shoulder and a clear-headed response to questions asked of them? Should I even try?

Work trips always seem to bring out this side of me, partly because I'm so frustrated at my own situation, and also because I am so saddened by my clients current experiences. I look at the surface of people's lives, what they say, what they're doing, and all I can think is "Really? This is what you're doing right now?"

Sigh.