"In Confidence, Trust & Faith, I Let Go of the Problem & I Receive the Answer"

I've been thinking about the questions our Reverend asked during the service on December 30th. I'm not sure if I'll ever have "the" answer, but I can definitely review my life the past year and apply the questions she asked to how I lived my life.

Did I improve my life? I can honestly say that I have. When I lost my first pregnancy in February I thought my life was over. I lived in a fog for a while, and then when I lost my second pregnancy in May I was just numb. I struggled a lot but I also used that point in my life to really study what my feelings of the Universe were, what "faith" meant to me, and what possible benefit I could find among the ruins of those two experiences. Then, mid-year I had some challenges socially and I spent a good deal of time questioning my own worth, as well as trying to figure out the true meaning of friendship. When I lost my job in September, well, that was an amazing thing to me. My priorities ended up snapping in to place, and I realized some amazing things about myself. From that point onward I have been working on my own life and making sure that I am 100% present in it. I have discovered that I spent a good deal of energy worrying about external factors that were beyond my control when, in actuality, I needed to spend more time within; that doing so would only better my outlook on the situations that seemed confusing or bleak.

Did I apply myself to the spiritual truth? This is a little bit harder for me to answer because I am still learning with the 'spiritual truth' fully encompasses, but I do think that I've started down the correct path! Finding Church, good supportive friends, and learning how I want to live my life was a terrific beginning...

Do I have plans toward wholeness? I do! I'm starting classes at Church and I have devoted more time to what makes me, me. I read more, I think about the "big picture" of life, and I am constantly working toward bettering myself and my reactions vs. situations and conditions that only include me (rather than those that are mine alone).

-- Jenn