Time Flies

I'm very pleased with myself. *pats self on back* I came up with a plan back in February that I was pretty proud of. I figured out a way to sort of "get back" at someone for treating me pretty badly, and the plan I created was one that I knew would hit their mark. I knew I could really play with this person's mind and I was pretty excited to set the plan in motion. My driving force was, obviously, revenge because I felt that I had had my mind messed with enough and in a very calculated manner and I wanted to "give what I got."

However, I managed to step back from myself before I did anything rash. I told myself to hang on for a few days and really think about what I was planning, and I came to the realization that the driving force behind my desire was, well, wrong. I went back to the lesson that anything you do that's driven by hurt or anger only creates more hurt and anger, and that was not what I wanted in my life. I reminded myself that I am not the creator of Karma, and that this person was going to get what they deserved by the natural Laws of the Universe- who was I to step in the way of that?

This was an amazing turn of events in my life and just proves to me how far I've come in this journey. I was always the one who would lash out because I was hurt, or run and leave things unresolved because I didn't want to show any vulnerability at all. In regards to this situation I am amazed that I was able to leap beyond the easy way, that I was able to realize that all I would be doing would be creating even more upset and hurt in a situation that certainly didn't need any more of either emotion.

I do have my moment of weakness and I've slipped up a bit this past month, but I'm nothing if not a work in progress! I am trying to live my life as honestly as possible, but sometimes it's hard when I'm surrounded by toxic people.


---Jenn

Shift of Thought

I've had quite a few weeks of struggling lately. I've feels disheartened and alone, and I even began feeling as life were a hazard rather than a gift. I knew I needed to make a change but wasn't sure exactly what kind of change I needed to make.

It ended up being quite simple, really. As I've been taught and have been trying to learn, I spun my thoughts to positive. I made a promise to myself that, for one whole day, I would find something positive in every single thing that happened to me.

The result? A new happiness. Or, not a new happiness per se, but rather a happiness that felt new because I had lost it so completely.

Every time it happens I'm shocked, even though you'd think I'd know better by now. It's almost as if I get so comfortable in my unhappiness that I don't want to make the effort to change the path I'm on. Even when I recognize where I'm headed it's like I will myself to get to the pit of dispare quickly so that I can get comfortable in my unhappiness. But, once I make that one conscious shift it's and almost instantaneous change within me, and at that point the whole world seems like such a brighter place.

-- Jenn