I Get It

I was in a dark place for a while, but I managed to face my demons and come out the other side alright. Part was due to positive thinking, but the other part of it was due to actually facing an adverse situation in my life. In this particular situation I was forced to confront it because I had no other alternative, and it ended up working out better than I could have imagined.

I have a horrible habit of running away from what scares me or makes me unhappy rather than facing it head on. I know it's a bad habit because 9 times out of 10 it isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, and all I ended up accomplishing was wasting hours of my life worrying about something that was out of my control in the first place. I've worked long and hard to try and change my approach to things, and I have to say that it appears to be working. Thank goodness, because I've had a lot of tests against my resolve lately!

I'm not angry any more. I've had this simmering anger toward certain things in my life, and no matter how I tried to change my views or approach the situation in a different way it just didn't matter. I'd be hurt, angry, confused, scared... all those toxic emotions that make us so unhappy in our lives. But, in facing the part of my life that was so depressing to me the past month and then having a wonderful weekend full of family and friends at my childrens' birthday party, it really proved to me that I am stronger than I gave myself credit for. I have more control over my life than I had realized (in my mind I had known, but in my heart I guess I didn't because I actually felt it this weekend and finally understood), and I am surrounded by more love than I realized. The other stuff, the bad/hurt feelings, are no longer a consideration for me. I am worth so much more than that, and there is so much that is wonderful around me that I just don't care to waste a moment on the other 'stuff.' If it hurts me or makes me feel bad then I'm done with it. I won't allow the external to control me any more, because I am stronger than that. I am NOT a result, but I AM a cause!!!!!

And so it is.

--Jenn