Time Flies

I'm very pleased with myself. *pats self on back* I came up with a plan back in February that I was pretty proud of. I figured out a way to sort of "get back" at someone for treating me pretty badly, and the plan I created was one that I knew would hit their mark. I knew I could really play with this person's mind and I was pretty excited to set the plan in motion. My driving force was, obviously, revenge because I felt that I had had my mind messed with enough and in a very calculated manner and I wanted to "give what I got."

However, I managed to step back from myself before I did anything rash. I told myself to hang on for a few days and really think about what I was planning, and I came to the realization that the driving force behind my desire was, well, wrong. I went back to the lesson that anything you do that's driven by hurt or anger only creates more hurt and anger, and that was not what I wanted in my life. I reminded myself that I am not the creator of Karma, and that this person was going to get what they deserved by the natural Laws of the Universe- who was I to step in the way of that?

This was an amazing turn of events in my life and just proves to me how far I've come in this journey. I was always the one who would lash out because I was hurt, or run and leave things unresolved because I didn't want to show any vulnerability at all. In regards to this situation I am amazed that I was able to leap beyond the easy way, that I was able to realize that all I would be doing would be creating even more upset and hurt in a situation that certainly didn't need any more of either emotion.

I do have my moment of weakness and I've slipped up a bit this past month, but I'm nothing if not a work in progress! I am trying to live my life as honestly as possible, but sometimes it's hard when I'm surrounded by toxic people.


---Jenn

Shift of Thought

I've had quite a few weeks of struggling lately. I've feels disheartened and alone, and I even began feeling as life were a hazard rather than a gift. I knew I needed to make a change but wasn't sure exactly what kind of change I needed to make.

It ended up being quite simple, really. As I've been taught and have been trying to learn, I spun my thoughts to positive. I made a promise to myself that, for one whole day, I would find something positive in every single thing that happened to me.

The result? A new happiness. Or, not a new happiness per se, but rather a happiness that felt new because I had lost it so completely.

Every time it happens I'm shocked, even though you'd think I'd know better by now. It's almost as if I get so comfortable in my unhappiness that I don't want to make the effort to change the path I'm on. Even when I recognize where I'm headed it's like I will myself to get to the pit of dispare quickly so that I can get comfortable in my unhappiness. But, once I make that one conscious shift it's and almost instantaneous change within me, and at that point the whole world seems like such a brighter place.

-- Jenn

Valentines Day

It's no secret that I loath Valentine's Day. I have ever since I was little; I thought it was silly that there was one day a year set aside to "prove" how much you love someone. I think it was a protection thing vs. an honest dislike of the holiday, but the feeling stuck and I have yet to celebrate the day.

However; this year I decided that I will celebrate it. I plan to spend the day celebrating the love of my family, friends and, of course, the Universe. I will light candles in thanks of the day, and I will take some time to meditate and do some affirmations.

So, in planning for the day I searched the web for some ideas on ways to make Valentine's Day a special day for my family. I want to do a craft or two with Ian, spend some time with my husband just talking, and make a point to call all my friends to chat and catch up.... I was looking for other ideas and, even though it shouldn't matter, I am upset with some things that I came across in regards to Science of the Mind. This website for one, which calls my beliefs a cult. I'm not going to spend a lot of time on this because I don't feel it's worth my time, but it saddens me that people can be so closed-minded. It's sad to me that someone who seems to have such a strong belief system could bash another's views though, because isn't one thing religion 'teaches' us is about patience and tolerance? The most ironic thing is that Science of the Mind teaches that every religion has it's place, is to be respected and honored, and that we can all learn from each other's beliefs. Funny how things like that happen.

Acceptance...

It's Monday, I'm exhausted from our weekend, yet I'm in an awesome mood. I'm looking forward to the week ahead and am actually psyched about it. While we did have a great weekend filled with soccer and friends, I also learned alot about myself in just one instance yesterday.

Our ceiling fan in our bedroom is only about 5-6 months old, but we've been having trouble with the light switch recently. Saturday night the light would not turn off so I ended up sleeping in Tristan's room in his top bunk (I cannot sleep with lights on and Sean was passed out in bed snoring). So yesterday Sean decides to try and fix it. (Keep in mind he is NOT an electrician AND when he first hooked the big, heavy fan up to the ceiling he had help from our neighbor.) Long story short, my fan is now in a million pieces because it was too heavy for him to do this on his own and it fell (nearly hitting me by less then a foot). But my reaction to the whole thing is what surprised me. Normally, this kind of stuff happens all the time with Sean and I get so annoyed. He is a bull in a china shop - an accident waiting to happen whether he trips over his own two feet or breaks things (he just broke Kieran's Nintendo DS game holder for instance).

To my surprise I didn't get that annoying feeling, the blood didn't rush to my head and I did not blame or scream at him. I walked out of the room, got Tristan and his things and left for the soccer fields. And that was that.

Acceptance is something I've been working very hard on this past year. And it's paying off. I honestly feel that if you can accept anything - you're better off. You make yourself miserable when you don't accept - when you fight things. Whether it's accepting you have to do something you really don't want to do, or accepting people for who they are - whatever your situation - if you just "accept", you're fine. (This is all stuff I've learned by reading many books: Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman and A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle are some of those books.) I've been doing that with soccer as well. Those who know me know it's been a very trying year soccer wise. I'm learning to accept the fact that you cannot make everyone happy and that some just like to bitch and moan - that's their character. I refuse to let myself get wrapped up in it again and I'm just accepting some people are unhappy. And it seems nothing short of a miracle will make them happy either so I'll let them sit in their own delusions and unhappiness without bringing me down with them. I'm accepting that I cannot fix everything and cannot make everyone happy.

Acceptance is part of the key to joy fullness and happiness. Try to make acceptance a part of your everyday life and I promise you, you WILL notice a difference.

-Kim

New Year 2009

Last night I was fortunate enough to participate in a Burning Bowl ceremony at my Church. If you aren't familiar with this type of ritual, the short version is this: You write down all the negative happening/feelings associated with the previous year and then you burn the piece of paper in a cauldron type of bowl.

One of the greatest quotes read last night was by, of course, founder Ernest Holmes. It was great for bringing in the New Year, so I wanted to repeat it here:

"Life is a blackboard upon which we consciously or unconsciously write those messages which govern us. We hold the chalk and the eraser in our hand but are ignorant of this fact. What we now experience we need not continue to experience, but the hand which holds the eraser must do its neutralizing work."

This was an amazing experience for me. I've never been one to even notice New Years Eve so attending something was strange enough, but then to experience such an inspiring ceremony was pretty awesome. I left there feeling rejuvenated, powerful, and totally in control. The feeling has managed to continue today, so I have great hope that this year is going to be my year!

For a more in-depth explanation of the Burning Bowl ceremony you can visit this site for more information. Remember, just because the first of the year is over it doesn't mean that you can't still have a burning bowl ceremony of your own.

One

Today Kim and I watched the move "One" which is an independent film that came out in 2004/2005. It was created by a man who woke up one day with a burning desire to make a film based on perceptions of the World and, together with two other people who had no film experience at all, set out to interview some of the top spiritual leaders and thinkers of this century.

The basis of this film was centered around 20 main questions which Kim and I have been pondering since seeing this feature. We thought it would be interesting to post the questions here and get some responses from our readers.

1. Why is there poverty and suffering in the world?
2. What is the relationship between science and religion?
3. Why are so many people depressed?
4. What are we all so afraid of?
5. When is war justifiable?
6. How would God want us to respond to aggression and terrorism?
7. How does one obtain true peace?
8. What does it mean to live in the present moment?
9. What is our greatest distraction?
10. Is current religion serving it's purpose?
11. What happens to you after you die?
12. Describe Heaven and how to get there.
13. What is the meaning of life?
14. Describe God.
15. What is the greatest quality humans possess?
16. What is it that prevents people from living to their full potential?
17. Can't do this one because it requires a non-verbal response.
18. What is your one wish for the world?
19. What is wisdom, and how do we gain it?
20. Are we all One?

I have my thoughts but I don't want to respond just yet. I will say that there is a general theme, in my mind, that runs through most of these.

I'm really curious to see what you all think!

-- Jenn

Holding My Hand

We have a prayer box at Church. We all send our positive energy for the requests at the end of the service and then the ecclesiastical team does their treatment work for 30 days after that. Rev. Nikki always cautions us that the result we may get may not be the one we wanted up front, but rather is the one that is for the greatest good of all involved.

A few months ago I put a "prayer request" into the prayer box myself. I've only done three requests myself; one was for my mother to beat her cancer, the other was to have a healthy and happy pregnancy, and the other was this request (I'll share in a moment). The first two appear to have been well received and I am so very thankful for that!

Anyway, this request I left broad. I didn't want to make any provisions or stipulations because I'm very aware of the negative affects that can have on the outcome of our desires. I did treatment work on my request and decided to let the Universe work it's magic and help me on my way.

I've had this request in the back of my mind since putting that piece of paper in the prayer box. I haven't "thought it to death" or tried to claw my way through it, but I have thought about it and done mini-treatment work as the thoughts rolled through my mind. I've kept my eyes open and my head clear so I'd be ready when the situation presented itself... And I believe it did!

My request was to find a job I could do working from home so I can raise my children. I feel my son has really gotten an unfair 'start' in life with me having to work full time and I don't want this new baby to be put in to daycare at six weeks old. It's been a driving force for me, so I decided to ask for the Universe's help.

As I said, I didn't push the issue with myself; I just stayed receptive and I was almost guided to a possible solution without any manipulation on my part! Here's how it fell together:

I'm a member of an on-line expecting club. One day someone started a thread about what we did for a living. I don't normally read through all the posts to a subject like that (there were over 100 responses) but I did. There were the usual teachers, social workers, paralegals, but there was one woman reported that she worked from home doing Medical Transcribing. I decided to contact her to see if it may be feasible for me to do something like this, but I wasn't holding out too much hope since I know that's one of the 'careers' that falls victim to scams. She wrote me back and gave me all sorts of information about it, along with the website to the school she graduated from so I could do research.

I spent 2 months researching the school and the profession itself. The downsides were money (4 thousand dollars for the course) and a time line of 18 months. I spent those two months agonizing over the decision and reading over every bit of information I could get... And then I realized something. Here I was, being handed something that I had asked for, and I was trying to find every reason not to follow the Universe's lead! How silly was I being? I had this opportunity handed to me, my prayer answered, and I was choosing to sit by and stare at it? No way!

I enrolled. Just like that.

I immediately began introducing myself on the forums. After two days I got a private message from someone who lives near me, which is pretty amazing considering this course is world-wide. It got stranger still as we progressed in our discussions; she's newly pregnant, has suffered miscarriages just as I have, is on the same medical supplements as I was, and is on the same blood clotting medication as I am! We have a plan to meet up when our schedules allow and I can't wait.

So, although I'm a bit overwhelmed by the stuff I have to do, I have no doubt that this was a gift received from the Universe itself. I am so very thankful to have this opportunity and I will do everything I can to make it a success!