My week was a week of ups and downs that's for sure. I can't tell if the week flew by or dragged. I do now know and understand the power of both the positive and the negative after this week.
After having watched The Secret at Jenn's last Tuesday, I told myself that every morning I would watch their inspirational video/visualization tool to get my day started. And that worked for only about two days. Those days that I did watch it were awesome though.
After I left Jenn's on Tuesday I felt so awesome and rejuvenated and just alive. I told myself that this past week I would focus on only the positive. And see how that went. My first project was to try and create a visualization board, but with having 3 kids and having to pack for our Thanksgiving weekend at my parents I didn't have the time. So I told myself every night I'd think of those things that I will have on that board and try and focus that way. It turns out, I need to make that board. So many things happen during the course of a day to help you stray from your focus.
Tuesday night I said my thanks for everyone in my life now or that has been in my life and for everyone I've yet to meet. Then I focused on what was going to happen the next day. I knew we had to take Knoxie (our 50 pound 1 1/2 year old Labradoodle) to the kennel on Wednesday morning. Anyone that knows Knoxie knows she's a very spirited, full of energy puppy. And I have always dreaded taking her to the vet or the kennel because I usually come out of there sweating! All night Tuesday night I kept saying that taking her to the kennel would be a breeze and go really well. All morning Wednesday morning I said the same thing. And guess what happened. Taking her to the kennel was an absolute breeze. I don't know if it was because I was much more relaxed just from repeating that in my head over and over or what exactly it was. I do know that dogs feed off of the energy of people so I know she was much more relaxed. And she actually listened to me. Sat when I told her to sit, didn't jump up on people as much as she usually does. I actually enjoyed taking her this time.
It was hard trying to always be positive this weekend up at my parents. It had nothing to do with them, just events that kept happening. My mom went to the ER Saturday morning because of a very high fever. My brothers dog had a tick on her which had to be removed by the vet because it was so embedded in her skin we weren't about to touch it. And then just some other small things here and there. It was an exhausting weekend for me because I cooked, cleaned, did laundry and made sure my parents were set before we left on Sunday. They are both in bad shape right now and living so far away doesn't give me any comfort, but doing what I could while I was there helped a little. I also got a glimpse of them for the first time as old and it's gripped my heart in such a way that I can't stop being sad.
On to what negativity can do to you: Saturday night Sean, the kids, my dad and I all piled in our car to go and see Christmas lights in a town about 30 minutes from my parents. My mom couldn't go with us because of her bad back - she's been in bed now for over a week. On the way there I started thinking about something that I haven't been directly involved in, but that last week turned personal for me because of some things said. It's very easy to be focused when you're not involved and to give others good advice. When it turns personal, it's not so easy anymore. And Saturday night, in the car ride there, I started thinking of what I would say to this person and what I really thought of them. It got so bad I had such a knot in my stomach that at one point Tristan was trying to talk to me and I didn't even hear him.
We saw the lights and got home around 8:30. I was still going through how mad I was in my head. I went into Caelie's bedroom to help her find an AR book from school that she had lost. I bent down to look under the dresser and my right thigh muscle felt like it was tearing in two. Any bad thoughts I had in my head at the time immediately disappeared. I was more focused on my leg and how I was going to stand up.
Sean got me to my mom's bed so I could just sit and relax and about 3 hours later, it hit me. All of the negativity I had been thinking of, somehow manifested into something physical - my muscle. And then I realized WHAT a waste of time I just spent on it. There will always be people and events that will bring negativity into your life. How we choose to deal with them is what makes up our character and our daily lives. I choose to NOT have that negativity in my life anymore. So every time I think of this person/event, instead of a bad picture in my head, I now have a good one. And, the actual picture in my head makes me laugh and giggle because it so far fetched. But the laugh and the giggle help me to steer away from the negative and focus on the positive.
So if you're with me in the future and you start talking about anything negative, don't be surprised if you see a haze come over my eyes. Don't be mad either, it's just my way of not letting it affect me.
-Kim
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