Things happen during the course of our lives to remind us how far we've come and how far we have yet to go. Today I was reminded of both, and I'm giving thanks that I have my Faith and chosen philosophy to help me get through the sometimes painful or hurtful events.

Today was not a big deal as far as "things" go, but  it was something that hadn't happened to me in quite a while. People were blatantly rude at a neighborhood event, and the bottom line is that it hurt my feelings. I responded the way I usually do (getting mad and defensive), and the sad part is that I let the feelings control me and the experience I had at the party. As we were walking home I vented to my husband and my parents about their rudeness, but now that I'm home, I've been able to pull myself together and use some positive thinking to help me see the situation in a different way. The most helpful thought I had was "The way people treat you says more about them than it does about you."  That has been a great comfort to me, because in a situation where I was truly questioning why I wasn't liked, I wasn't feeling good about myself at all. I don't want to let any person (or people in this case) have the power over me to make me feel less worthy than I know I am, especially since I've worked so hard to like who I am! I will take today as a learning experience and be thankful that I realized these are not people I want to surround myself with. I have made that choice, and I'm happy with it.

(This is not to say that when I see the "leader" of this group later on this week I won't mention what happened and how I felt. I'm strong enough to do that now, and for that I am thankful as well).

-- Jenn

Assumptions

At church, we've just finished a series on The Four Agreements. I'm constantly reminding myself of the agreements, "Don't take anything personally," and "Don't make assumptions," because they seem to govern most everything. In particular, both of these came to light recently, and I got to see how these agreements could have changed the outcome of the whole situation. It's rare that we get to observe these sorts of 'laws' proven so clearly! I'll share the event because it's so clear, even though I usually don't share personal things here, because it's so clearly illustrates these principals!

I have a circle of friends who ended up having a falling out. I'm friends with almost all of them still, but we don't get together as a unit anymore, and there are still some hurt feelings years later. We're friends online, and since the virtual world is not at all private, things can be seen by everyone just about, and that's where the trouble started. One my closest friends and I have an inside joke where we'll write a single word to the other when something strikes us as funny, or we're annoyed at family or a friend and can't express it because the other isn't around to call, etc. I wrote that word to my friend where everyone else could see it, and a specific person assumed it was about them, turned the whole thing into a huge deal, and ended up hurting feelings of other people and closing the door on some relationships. Had they not assumed there would have been no way to take it personally, and they could have avoided all the bad feelings and negativity entirely!

Of course like most changes in our path of life, there has been a lot of good that's come of this, but I still find it sad that it was all caused by someone taking something personally based on an assumption. Ironic, yes, but still sad because it all could have been avoided.

Reminders

It's hard to view everything that happens in a positive way, and there are times I have a hard time responding to situations in a way that radiates love. Today was one of those testing moments, and I failed a bit.

There was a situation involving a child who was doing something inappropriate in the water play area of the place we're vacationing, and I was getting frustrated with the other parent because she was too busy on the phone to pay proper attention to her child. I let her son continue what he was doing until it involved my child, and then I had to take action. Unfortunately, I did not react from a place of love at that time but rather from a place of fear that her child was going to hurt mine and frustration because his mother was completely disinterested... until I got involved, however.

I guess my point is that I'm very aware that I didn't react the correct way, and I was reminded why it's important to consider the motivation behind our behaviors and reactions to situation. I was left with a bleak feeling and my stomach in knots after the event dissipated, and it served as concrete evidence as to why I need to take the time to center myself before responding to things that are upsetting.

-- Jenn

Firm Foothold

I met with a huge challenge this week, and I had to do a lot of work to keep my thoughts positive. I found myself getting caught up in the vicimization of what happened, and I had to constantly reframe my thinking. It was hard because finding the positive was very difficult, but here I sit, 3 days later, and I'm okay. This is not to say that I didn't loose myself in sadness a few times, but it felt like I had a firm foothold in it this time rather than feeling like I was getting lost in the abyss. It was almost as if I could be sad but feel safe in the knowledge I was going to be okay in the end.

I am forever thankful that I've found my church and the Science of Mind spiritual path, because without it I fear I would truly be lost.

There is No Limit

Each one of us is an outlet to God and an inlet to God.

Ernest Holmes

Yes, we are. I've changed in thinking so much that now rather than sitting around waiting for 'it' to happen and for 'It' to do 'it' for me and for 'It' to give me what I want, I've come around to understanding that we are all an active part in our circumstance as well as in our results. As a part of God, goodness flows through me and as me, so there is no limit to what I can achieve! This is not to say that we don't have to put forth effort to get the results we want, but it is saying that we are only limited by the limits we put on ourselves.

-- Jenn

Take Care of Yourself and The Rest Will Follow

I concluded that we are just what we think we are to ourselves. If I really believed in anything, the effect would follow whether I was thinking of it or not -- Phineas P. Quimby

I have found this to be very true these past few days. I've been working so hard at things within my family that I've been tired, but I've thought of nothing but good thoughts (as much as I could, anyway). It's made the work that much more pleasant, and I don't get that overwhelmed feeling that I'm so used to! I mentally reminded myself that what I was doing was important, good, and successful, and you can't help but actually feel that after awhile. The rewards follow!

It also helped when I came across some things that were said about me that were hurtful, mean, and wrong. I was hurt, but then I did some inner work and reminded myself that what is said is a reflection of the speaker and not me, and that none of what this person was putting out into the Universe was the Truth about me. It might be their Truth, but it served no purpose in my Truth at all. So, I was able to say a blessing for this misguided soul and move on from the sadness.

It's getting easier to have these positive thoughts automatically, but it still takes a lot of work. I find myself going over past talks from church (Suncoast Center For Spiritual Living), and every message hits a cord one way or another. As they always say, you're going to hear exactly what you're meant to hear every time you listen...

-- Jenn

Release the Rope

Today's talk was regarding forgiveness. I know it's a topic that's discussed ad nauseum sometimes, but I truly feel like it's something that every single person can work on. Who in their life hasn't been hurt by someone or something, and how many of us are still holding on to that hurt?

I heard a great analogy today: "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." This is a quote by Buddha, and it gives me a great visual. I think about all the hours I've wasted thinking things over in my life and how much pain there was in those hours. I think about how muck better it would have been to work on letting go and moving forward rather than ruminating over what was so wrong and basically keeping myself standing still.

Reverend Alan discussed how we as vessels sometimes get tied to the "dock" of a situation and can't figure out how to sever the rope holding us here. He reminds us that the dock exists true enough, but the river we're immersed in never stops flowing forward; if we can just let go, we can flow with the river instead of watching the waters wash by us. There's no need to work on "forgiving and forgetting" what happened because you cannot change the past, but we can work on our experiences because of the situation and our responses.

If you think about it, our hurt and anger really do keep us from moving forward. It's true that whatever situation that happened did happen, and our feelings are valid, but so are our reactions to it, our thoughts about it, etc.. By forgiving, we aren't forgetting; we're just allowing ourselves to move beyond the dock. No matter how many miles we travel downstream, the dock will always be there, but we're no longer stuck to it and destined to remain there.

-- Jenn

Truly Letting Go

Letting go has never been easy for me. I'm not sure if it's because I have a fear of failure and by "letting go" I feel as if I've failed, or if it's because I'm afraid of missing something, but it's become clear to me that it is definitely because I'm afraid of something. I am aware that I hold on to things much longer than is healthy, and I'm trying to become better at making a conscious choice to allow things to flow out of my life that no longer benefit me.

With that in mind, I said "good-bye" to a relationship that I've had for about 6 years. It's been a strange and rocky road, and I've lived through more than my share of heartache and hurt feelings. Of course there were good times, amazing discoveries and a lot of laughter, but when I look back over the past few years, there hasn't been much good or happiness. I was sort of letting things be in an effort to let the waters continue to be still, but then something happened to show me that I really needed to let go; I needed to let myself be free of whatever ties where holding me to this relationship.

So I did. And an amazing thing happened that proved I was ready, that I really have learned that it's okay to let go: I found my ability to focus on who loves me and supports me outweighs my focus on those things that upset me or those that dislike me for whatever reason. I was so afraid of being left with what if and why that I didn't want to take that final step and let go! I have finally accepted the fact that I can't fix everyone, I can't mold them into the people I want them to be, and that it's okay to not be there for everyone if they can't return the same emotional support as I give.

It's okay!

-- Jenn