The past couple of nights, after I'd get settled comfortably into bed, I'd turn the TV off and just lie there, concentrating on my breathing and meditate. I'd concentrate on the part of my body that hurts and try to mentally fix what's wrong while pushing the pain down around my shoulder, through my arm and out my fingers. It might sound nuts, but it's working! And after yesterday when I actually saw on the MRI where the herniated disc actually was, it helped give me more of a visual so that when I went to bed last night I could concentrate better on what it looks like, what it should look like and where in my body it actually was. After that, I'd then concentrate on what's important in my life - everything that's good - and I'd fall asleep with happy thoughts running through my head.
That little pep talk I gave myself in the previous post before this also helped. I was focusing too much on the pain and the "this isn't fair" and the poor me. My "pain body" was taking over and I can't stand seeing that in others so seeing it in myself was even worse. So I decided I'm done with my pain body - it's gone! And today was a good day!
I just read the Daily Motivation for today and it was right on. It's all about acceptance and enjoying life no matter what. Once I accepted what I've got and that it might take some time to heal, I felt better. Acceptance is huge in any situation you find yourself in. I do know one thing: since this has happened I've been worried that I'd lose feeling in my arm and eventually wouldn't be able to completely hug my kids anymore. That scared me the most. Or I'd worry that it was even worse then it is and would eventually effect me walking and I'd no longer be able to play with my kids (something I wasn't doing enough of right before this happened). So I can guarantee you that my kids get TONS of hugs everyday and that once I get the OK to do physical activities, I will be outside playing and running around with my family!!! Sometimes the universe throws these little "wake up calls" at you just when you need them!
Friday, August 22, 2008
Breathing room
Look back on your life up to this point and you'll quickly see that many of your worries and concerns were completely unfounded. So why do you still insist on cranking out those worries at every turn of events?
How many times have you looked back on an occasion with the regret that you didn't simply enjoy yourself? There's nothing you can do about those past regrets, but there's plenty you can do about right now.
It's ridiculously easy to enjoy life, no matter what the situation. It's just a matter of letting go.
Let go of the worry and anxiety, of the anger and envy, of the need to be right and the need to control everyone else. Let go of the need to have everything your way.
Underneath all those layers of need and worry and negativity, there is pure joy. When you simply accept what is, and choose to enjoy the goodness in it, life can be wonderfully rich and beautiful.
Stop worrying and fighting so much, and start enjoying a little more. Give joy some breathing room and it will flourish in your life. -- Ralph Marston
-Kim
Showing posts with label pain body. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain body. Show all posts
Friday, August 22, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
My first meditation
Warning - this post could be long since it's been a while for me when it comes to posting on this blog so just bear with me. :)
I hadn't been to church before last night in a really long time. Between soccer and other commitments and then Sean being gone for work, I just haven't been able to get there. And I have felt that feeling of peace slowly slipping away over time. I know I've stated before, whether it was on here or one of my other blogs that since last summer, I had such an overwhelming feeling of peace and happiness in my heart and in my gut that it felt awesome. I don't know how else to describe it. I know it was a bunch of things happening at once that made me feel that way: finally finding a place to go (a church) where I felt at home at and not like an outsider; forming an awesome friendship with someone whom I believe we were meant to form that friendship at that time; reading book after book and learning that I've already been on my way to enlightenment or awakening or consciousness and I didn't even know it; or just sharing stories with my new found friend of our pasts and our presents and even our futures. But something happened, as again I've said before, around the holidays in December where I felt that feeling slipping away. It could be because of a number of things: my parents health, the stress of the holidays, too much going on. Whatever it was, since then that feeling in my gut and in my heart hasn't been felt.
Until last night. Our church had a meditation and prayer service since it was Good Friday and I am so happy I went. I NEEDED last night more then I originally thought. Before getting there Jenn called me to let me know there were only 3 cars in the parking lot and 1 was hers. In any other situation, I'm horrible in small numbers, especially when it comes to people I don't really know. And as she's telling me this I waited for that nervous feeling in my gut to start and to tell me to flee; to say to her "OK, let's skip this and just go right to dinner". But that feeling didn't come. Maybe it was because I knew I needed to be there and I know how at peace I have felt in the past just from being there. I got there and there were only 6 of us. I sat down in my chair and started talking to Jenn and slowly felt my shoulders relaxing.
As Rev. Nikki started talking, I felt once more at home. Her voice is so soothing and the music that was playing was so relaxing, it just kind of all came together for me. She told the story of what Good Friday meant and then we all entered into a prayer and meditation where instead of talking about the 7 crosses that Jesus had to "wear" she talked about 8 comments or suggestions while we prayed and meditated. What is surprising to me is that for that meditation I was able to close my eyes and not worry there there were only 4 other people in the room that I didn't know - something that a year or so ago I would have been mortified with and the thought of closing my eyes would have scared me. I didn't give it a second thought.
As we meditated and I had my eyes closed and I listened to Rev. Nikki talk a feeling I've never experienced before came over me: first it was like my whole body was kind of gelling together if that makes sense; like my two hands (which were touching each other) had become one. And then it was like I couldn't even feel my body at all. It was beautiful and awesome and I felt whole and at peace with myself and the world.
What Rev. Nikki would do with those 8 suggestions was to say it and then be still so that we could all pray about it and meditate over it and know that it is or it can be. One of the 8 suggestions she said was (and this isn't word for word since I can't remember it) to love everyone and to not hate. And as she stopped talking to let us ponder it, I thought about that. I definitely don't love everyone - right now. But there is no one that I hate. I may not understand people and their actions, nor will ever be compatible with some, but I can honestly say I do not hate. I may get pissed off at people at times, (like I was at the guy honking at me last night on my way to church) but I let myself feel that feeling (which is the ego talking) and then let it go. I truly don't believe that we, as human beings, can allow hatred to enter our lives if we want to be happy.
We were there for a little over an hour and I walked out of there feeling that peace in my gut and my heart that had been gone since the holidays. I felt in control again. I came home and instead of going right to sleep, I read the book I've been reading called A New Earth and learned about the "pain body" and it just all clicked - my "pain body", which had been dormant since last summer, had returned for whatever reason over the holidays and it was what was making me miserable. (I'll get into the "pain body" in another post but not today.) But after last night at church and now knowing what the "pain body" is and how to control it, I'm hoping to not only keep this feeling of peace that I have but to help it grow within myself and my family and friends.
(Edited to add an hour after writing this):
The Daily Motivation for today was so fitting for me that I cried when I read it (happy tears).
Daily Motivator
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Your moment to fulfill
This day is too valuable to waste. The people in your life are too beautiful to ignore.
Take a moment to remember how fortunate you are to be you. Take a look around, with your eyes lovingly and enthusiastically open to the possibilities.
Most of what you fear does not even exist. Much of what you love is closer than you realize.
You are just one small step away from being on the path toward your most treasured dream. You are just one brief thought away from understanding the richness that is your life.
You have traveled a long way to be where you are. With every step you have gained something of real and lasting value.
Now is a day to move forward with more experience, knowledge and wisdom than ever before. Now is your moment to realize and fulfill the miracle that is your life.
-- Ralph Marston
And so it is....
-Kim
I hadn't been to church before last night in a really long time. Between soccer and other commitments and then Sean being gone for work, I just haven't been able to get there. And I have felt that feeling of peace slowly slipping away over time. I know I've stated before, whether it was on here or one of my other blogs that since last summer, I had such an overwhelming feeling of peace and happiness in my heart and in my gut that it felt awesome. I don't know how else to describe it. I know it was a bunch of things happening at once that made me feel that way: finally finding a place to go (a church) where I felt at home at and not like an outsider; forming an awesome friendship with someone whom I believe we were meant to form that friendship at that time; reading book after book and learning that I've already been on my way to enlightenment or awakening or consciousness and I didn't even know it; or just sharing stories with my new found friend of our pasts and our presents and even our futures. But something happened, as again I've said before, around the holidays in December where I felt that feeling slipping away. It could be because of a number of things: my parents health, the stress of the holidays, too much going on. Whatever it was, since then that feeling in my gut and in my heart hasn't been felt.
Until last night. Our church had a meditation and prayer service since it was Good Friday and I am so happy I went. I NEEDED last night more then I originally thought. Before getting there Jenn called me to let me know there were only 3 cars in the parking lot and 1 was hers. In any other situation, I'm horrible in small numbers, especially when it comes to people I don't really know. And as she's telling me this I waited for that nervous feeling in my gut to start and to tell me to flee; to say to her "OK, let's skip this and just go right to dinner". But that feeling didn't come. Maybe it was because I knew I needed to be there and I know how at peace I have felt in the past just from being there. I got there and there were only 6 of us. I sat down in my chair and started talking to Jenn and slowly felt my shoulders relaxing.
As Rev. Nikki started talking, I felt once more at home. Her voice is so soothing and the music that was playing was so relaxing, it just kind of all came together for me. She told the story of what Good Friday meant and then we all entered into a prayer and meditation where instead of talking about the 7 crosses that Jesus had to "wear" she talked about 8 comments or suggestions while we prayed and meditated. What is surprising to me is that for that meditation I was able to close my eyes and not worry there there were only 4 other people in the room that I didn't know - something that a year or so ago I would have been mortified with and the thought of closing my eyes would have scared me. I didn't give it a second thought.
As we meditated and I had my eyes closed and I listened to Rev. Nikki talk a feeling I've never experienced before came over me: first it was like my whole body was kind of gelling together if that makes sense; like my two hands (which were touching each other) had become one. And then it was like I couldn't even feel my body at all. It was beautiful and awesome and I felt whole and at peace with myself and the world.
What Rev. Nikki would do with those 8 suggestions was to say it and then be still so that we could all pray about it and meditate over it and know that it is or it can be. One of the 8 suggestions she said was (and this isn't word for word since I can't remember it) to love everyone and to not hate. And as she stopped talking to let us ponder it, I thought about that. I definitely don't love everyone - right now. But there is no one that I hate. I may not understand people and their actions, nor will ever be compatible with some, but I can honestly say I do not hate. I may get pissed off at people at times, (like I was at the guy honking at me last night on my way to church) but I let myself feel that feeling (which is the ego talking) and then let it go. I truly don't believe that we, as human beings, can allow hatred to enter our lives if we want to be happy.
We were there for a little over an hour and I walked out of there feeling that peace in my gut and my heart that had been gone since the holidays. I felt in control again. I came home and instead of going right to sleep, I read the book I've been reading called A New Earth and learned about the "pain body" and it just all clicked - my "pain body", which had been dormant since last summer, had returned for whatever reason over the holidays and it was what was making me miserable. (I'll get into the "pain body" in another post but not today.) But after last night at church and now knowing what the "pain body" is and how to control it, I'm hoping to not only keep this feeling of peace that I have but to help it grow within myself and my family and friends.
(Edited to add an hour after writing this):
The Daily Motivation for today was so fitting for me that I cried when I read it (happy tears).
Daily Motivator
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Your moment to fulfill
This day is too valuable to waste. The people in your life are too beautiful to ignore.
Take a moment to remember how fortunate you are to be you. Take a look around, with your eyes lovingly and enthusiastically open to the possibilities.
Most of what you fear does not even exist. Much of what you love is closer than you realize.
You are just one small step away from being on the path toward your most treasured dream. You are just one brief thought away from understanding the richness that is your life.
You have traveled a long way to be where you are. With every step you have gained something of real and lasting value.
Now is a day to move forward with more experience, knowledge and wisdom than ever before. Now is your moment to realize and fulfill the miracle that is your life.
-- Ralph Marston
And so it is....
-Kim
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