We have a prayer box at Church. We all send our positive energy for the requests at the end of the service and then the ecclesiastical team does their treatment work for 30 days after that. Rev. Nikki always cautions us that the result we may get may not be the one we wanted up front, but rather is the one that is for the greatest good of all involved.
A few months ago I put a "prayer request" into the prayer box myself. I've only done three requests myself; one was for my mother to beat her cancer, the other was to have a healthy and happy pregnancy, and the other was this request (I'll share in a moment). The first two appear to have been well received and I am so very thankful for that!
Anyway, this request I left broad. I didn't want to make any provisions or stipulations because I'm very aware of the negative affects that can have on the outcome of our desires. I did treatment work on my request and decided to let the Universe work it's magic and help me on my way.
I've had this request in the back of my mind since putting that piece of paper in the prayer box. I haven't "thought it to death" or tried to claw my way through it, but I have thought about it and done mini-treatment work as the thoughts rolled through my mind. I've kept my eyes open and my head clear so I'd be ready when the situation presented itself... And I believe it did!
My request was to find a job I could do working from home so I can raise my children. I feel my son has really gotten an unfair 'start' in life with me having to work full time and I don't want this new baby to be put in to daycare at six weeks old. It's been a driving force for me, so I decided to ask for the Universe's help.
As I said, I didn't push the issue with myself; I just stayed receptive and I was almost guided to a possible solution without any manipulation on my part! Here's how it fell together:
I'm a member of an on-line expecting club. One day someone started a thread about what we did for a living. I don't normally read through all the posts to a subject like that (there were over 100 responses) but I did. There were the usual teachers, social workers, paralegals, but there was one woman reported that she worked from home doing Medical Transcribing. I decided to contact her to see if it may be feasible for me to do something like this, but I wasn't holding out too much hope since I know that's one of the 'careers' that falls victim to scams. She wrote me back and gave me all sorts of information about it, along with the website to the school she graduated from so I could do research.
I spent 2 months researching the school and the profession itself. The downsides were money (4 thousand dollars for the course) and a time line of 18 months. I spent those two months agonizing over the decision and reading over every bit of information I could get... And then I realized something. Here I was, being handed something that I had asked for, and I was trying to find every reason not to follow the Universe's lead! How silly was I being? I had this opportunity handed to me, my prayer answered, and I was choosing to sit by and stare at it? No way!
I enrolled. Just like that.
I immediately began introducing myself on the forums. After two days I got a private message from someone who lives near me, which is pretty amazing considering this course is world-wide. It got stranger still as we progressed in our discussions; she's newly pregnant, has suffered miscarriages just as I have, is on the same medical supplements as I was, and is on the same blood clotting medication as I am! We have a plan to meet up when our schedules allow and I can't wait.
So, although I'm a bit overwhelmed by the stuff I have to do, I have no doubt that this was a gift received from the Universe itself. I am so very thankful to have this opportunity and I will do everything I can to make it a success!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Breathing Room
The past couple of nights, after I'd get settled comfortably into bed, I'd turn the TV off and just lie there, concentrating on my breathing and meditate. I'd concentrate on the part of my body that hurts and try to mentally fix what's wrong while pushing the pain down around my shoulder, through my arm and out my fingers. It might sound nuts, but it's working! And after yesterday when I actually saw on the MRI where the herniated disc actually was, it helped give me more of a visual so that when I went to bed last night I could concentrate better on what it looks like, what it should look like and where in my body it actually was. After that, I'd then concentrate on what's important in my life - everything that's good - and I'd fall asleep with happy thoughts running through my head.
That little pep talk I gave myself in the previous post before this also helped. I was focusing too much on the pain and the "this isn't fair" and the poor me. My "pain body" was taking over and I can't stand seeing that in others so seeing it in myself was even worse. So I decided I'm done with my pain body - it's gone! And today was a good day!
I just read the Daily Motivation for today and it was right on. It's all about acceptance and enjoying life no matter what. Once I accepted what I've got and that it might take some time to heal, I felt better. Acceptance is huge in any situation you find yourself in. I do know one thing: since this has happened I've been worried that I'd lose feeling in my arm and eventually wouldn't be able to completely hug my kids anymore. That scared me the most. Or I'd worry that it was even worse then it is and would eventually effect me walking and I'd no longer be able to play with my kids (something I wasn't doing enough of right before this happened). So I can guarantee you that my kids get TONS of hugs everyday and that once I get the OK to do physical activities, I will be outside playing and running around with my family!!! Sometimes the universe throws these little "wake up calls" at you just when you need them!
Friday, August 22, 2008
Breathing room
Look back on your life up to this point and you'll quickly see that many of your worries and concerns were completely unfounded. So why do you still insist on cranking out those worries at every turn of events?
How many times have you looked back on an occasion with the regret that you didn't simply enjoy yourself? There's nothing you can do about those past regrets, but there's plenty you can do about right now.
It's ridiculously easy to enjoy life, no matter what the situation. It's just a matter of letting go.
Let go of the worry and anxiety, of the anger and envy, of the need to be right and the need to control everyone else. Let go of the need to have everything your way.
Underneath all those layers of need and worry and negativity, there is pure joy. When you simply accept what is, and choose to enjoy the goodness in it, life can be wonderfully rich and beautiful.
Stop worrying and fighting so much, and start enjoying a little more. Give joy some breathing room and it will flourish in your life. -- Ralph Marston
-Kim
That little pep talk I gave myself in the previous post before this also helped. I was focusing too much on the pain and the "this isn't fair" and the poor me. My "pain body" was taking over and I can't stand seeing that in others so seeing it in myself was even worse. So I decided I'm done with my pain body - it's gone! And today was a good day!
I just read the Daily Motivation for today and it was right on. It's all about acceptance and enjoying life no matter what. Once I accepted what I've got and that it might take some time to heal, I felt better. Acceptance is huge in any situation you find yourself in. I do know one thing: since this has happened I've been worried that I'd lose feeling in my arm and eventually wouldn't be able to completely hug my kids anymore. That scared me the most. Or I'd worry that it was even worse then it is and would eventually effect me walking and I'd no longer be able to play with my kids (something I wasn't doing enough of right before this happened). So I can guarantee you that my kids get TONS of hugs everyday and that once I get the OK to do physical activities, I will be outside playing and running around with my family!!! Sometimes the universe throws these little "wake up calls" at you just when you need them!
Friday, August 22, 2008
Breathing room
Look back on your life up to this point and you'll quickly see that many of your worries and concerns were completely unfounded. So why do you still insist on cranking out those worries at every turn of events?
How many times have you looked back on an occasion with the regret that you didn't simply enjoy yourself? There's nothing you can do about those past regrets, but there's plenty you can do about right now.
It's ridiculously easy to enjoy life, no matter what the situation. It's just a matter of letting go.
Let go of the worry and anxiety, of the anger and envy, of the need to be right and the need to control everyone else. Let go of the need to have everything your way.
Underneath all those layers of need and worry and negativity, there is pure joy. When you simply accept what is, and choose to enjoy the goodness in it, life can be wonderfully rich and beautiful.
Stop worrying and fighting so much, and start enjoying a little more. Give joy some breathing room and it will flourish in your life. -- Ralph Marston
-Kim
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Intuition...
and that feeling that something isn't right.
In my 36 years of life I have to admit I've been very lucky when it comes to my health. I've had a few surgeries, a few bumps in the road but nothing major.
When I was just 11 years old I started with bad pains in my right side. I couldn't sit, couldn't stand - it was horrible. We went to countless different doctors - gynecologists, urologists, psychologists, etc. They did xrays, IV Pilograms, ultrasounds, countless kidney scans and cat scans and couldn't find a thing. At one point I ended up in the hospital for over 3 weeks for a severe kidney infection. But after I came home I still had bad pain and the doctors sent me to a psychologist saying it was only in my head. Only I knew it wasn't. I knew my body, even at that young age and I knew something wasn't right. So, luckily my parents believed me and we took those same xrays and cat scans up to New York University and within 15 minutes we knew what was causing my pain - kidney stones! I had 7 in my right and I think 5 or 6 in my left! I followed my intuition (along with my parents help) and found out I was right!
Through the years since then I've been healthy. I've had Bunion Surgery (on both feet) and on one foot twice, a laporoscopy and a C-section and that's about it.
For the past 2-3 years I've had this numbing sensation in the back of my left shoulder which spread to about a 2-3 inch radius. I'd tell the doctor when I was there for checkups and he'd have me push and pull with my hands and my arms; checking for any weakness in that arm and would find nothing. But in the back of my head I kept thinking to myself that something wasn't right.
Which brings me to today. This past week I found out I have a severe herniated disc in my neck which is causing pain and numbness in my left arm and pain in the back of my neck/shoulder. No, it's not life threatening and yes, I know it's just another "bump" in the road but I'm kind of mad at myself for not listening to my instinct and not pushing the issue like I did when I was younger. And I could bring up all the lame excuses like: "I've got 3 kids, they come first". Or "there's so much going on all the time I don't have time to take care of me". And I'm sure there are a bunch of others I could think of if you gave me time to come up with them.
The fact is I ignored my intuition - something I usually never do. And I'm mad at myself for it. Had I pushed the issue, I might not be here, stuck on my couch like I have been for weeks now. And I'm now left feeling guilty as hell because my poor husband is starting to get frazzled and run around like a chicken with his head cut off.
I've been beating myself up lately for this and am only making myself feel worse. It is what it is - just another bump in the road and it soon will pass!!!! (I just need to keep reminding myself that! And hoping it's sooner rather then later that it passes) ;)
This is a lesson well learned for me: don't forget to listen to that inner voice you have! It may be more in tune then you really think! Which brings me to the nagging feeling I have after seeing the orthopedic surgeon this morning: that what they told me just isn't good enough. I don't know if it's because they can't help get rid of this pain right now; or because I heard some negative things about the office before going; or if I really should just go and get a 2nd opinion.
I think tomorrow morning I'm going to call a neurosurgeon who comes highly recommended and make that appointment for a 2nd opinion. I need to follow my intuition and this nagging feeling I have!
I can't help but think of a quote that Jenn has on one of her blogs that says:
"When you encounter difficulties and contradictions, do not try to break them, but bend them with gentleness and time." – St. Francis De Sales
I can sit here and choose to bitch and moan and feel sorry for myself and fight the fact that I need to rest to get better or I can just go with the flow, feel that my body just needs to rest to get better and let it happen.
-Kim
In my 36 years of life I have to admit I've been very lucky when it comes to my health. I've had a few surgeries, a few bumps in the road but nothing major.
When I was just 11 years old I started with bad pains in my right side. I couldn't sit, couldn't stand - it was horrible. We went to countless different doctors - gynecologists, urologists, psychologists, etc. They did xrays, IV Pilograms, ultrasounds, countless kidney scans and cat scans and couldn't find a thing. At one point I ended up in the hospital for over 3 weeks for a severe kidney infection. But after I came home I still had bad pain and the doctors sent me to a psychologist saying it was only in my head. Only I knew it wasn't. I knew my body, even at that young age and I knew something wasn't right. So, luckily my parents believed me and we took those same xrays and cat scans up to New York University and within 15 minutes we knew what was causing my pain - kidney stones! I had 7 in my right and I think 5 or 6 in my left! I followed my intuition (along with my parents help) and found out I was right!
Through the years since then I've been healthy. I've had Bunion Surgery (on both feet) and on one foot twice, a laporoscopy and a C-section and that's about it.
For the past 2-3 years I've had this numbing sensation in the back of my left shoulder which spread to about a 2-3 inch radius. I'd tell the doctor when I was there for checkups and he'd have me push and pull with my hands and my arms; checking for any weakness in that arm and would find nothing. But in the back of my head I kept thinking to myself that something wasn't right.
Which brings me to today. This past week I found out I have a severe herniated disc in my neck which is causing pain and numbness in my left arm and pain in the back of my neck/shoulder. No, it's not life threatening and yes, I know it's just another "bump" in the road but I'm kind of mad at myself for not listening to my instinct and not pushing the issue like I did when I was younger. And I could bring up all the lame excuses like: "I've got 3 kids, they come first". Or "there's so much going on all the time I don't have time to take care of me". And I'm sure there are a bunch of others I could think of if you gave me time to come up with them.
The fact is I ignored my intuition - something I usually never do. And I'm mad at myself for it. Had I pushed the issue, I might not be here, stuck on my couch like I have been for weeks now. And I'm now left feeling guilty as hell because my poor husband is starting to get frazzled and run around like a chicken with his head cut off.
I've been beating myself up lately for this and am only making myself feel worse. It is what it is - just another bump in the road and it soon will pass!!!! (I just need to keep reminding myself that! And hoping it's sooner rather then later that it passes) ;)
This is a lesson well learned for me: don't forget to listen to that inner voice you have! It may be more in tune then you really think! Which brings me to the nagging feeling I have after seeing the orthopedic surgeon this morning: that what they told me just isn't good enough. I don't know if it's because they can't help get rid of this pain right now; or because I heard some negative things about the office before going; or if I really should just go and get a 2nd opinion.
I think tomorrow morning I'm going to call a neurosurgeon who comes highly recommended and make that appointment for a 2nd opinion. I need to follow my intuition and this nagging feeling I have!
I can't help but think of a quote that Jenn has on one of her blogs that says:
"When you encounter difficulties and contradictions, do not try to break them, but bend them with gentleness and time." – St. Francis De Sales
I can sit here and choose to bitch and moan and feel sorry for myself and fight the fact that I need to rest to get better or I can just go with the flow, feel that my body just needs to rest to get better and let it happen.
-Kim
Thursday, August 14, 2008
How do I stop my negative thoughts?
There are no coincidences right? So when I saw the below in my email this morning it not only helped me out alot but made me smile. I've been in alot of pain lately due to what they think is a spur on my spine in the upper left part of my neck. I'm going for an MRI soon to find out exactly what it is, but of course negative thoughts have been flowing throughout my brain as to what this could be (other then a spur) and I've had countless nightmares about it. The past couple of days negative thoughts have filled my brain because of this and then there's a few other things as well rolling around in there.
After everything I've read this year and how great I was feeling, it's amazing how quickly you can forget what you've learned and "fall" back into being sad or depressed or just having negative thoughts. So the email below couldn't have come at a better time!
-Kim
After everything I've read this year and how great I was feeling, it's amazing how quickly you can forget what you've learned and "fall" back into being sad or depressed or just having negative thoughts. So the email below couldn't have come at a better time!
A Secret Scrolls message from Rhonda Byrne
Creator of The Secret
"How do I stop my negative thoughts?" - is a question that I have been asked many times. If you have ever asked this question then you will feel such enormous relief in knowing the answer, because it is so simple. How do you stop negative thoughts? You plant good thoughts!
When you try to stop negative thoughts, you are focusing on what you don't want - negative thoughts - and you will attract an abundance of them. They can never disappear if you are focused on them. The "stop" part is irrelevant - the negative thoughts are your focus. It doesn't matter if you are trying to stop negative thoughts or control them or push them away, the result is the same. Your focus is on negative thoughts, and by the law of attraction you are inviting more of them to you.
The truth is always simple and it is always easy. To stop negative thoughts, just plant good thoughts! Deliberately plant good thoughts! You plant good thoughts by making it a daily practice to appreciate all the things in your day. Appreciate your health, your car, your home, your family, your job, your friends, your surroundings, your meals, your pets, and the magnificent beauty of the day. Compliment, praise, and give thanks to all things. Every time you say "Thank you" it is a good thought! As you plant more and more good thoughts, the negative thoughts will be wiped out. Why? Because your focus is on good thoughts, and what you focus on you attract.
So don't give any attention to negative thoughts. Don't worry about them. If any come, make light of them, shrug them off, and let them be your reminder to deliberately think more good thoughts now.
The more good thoughts you can plant in a day, the faster your life will be utterly transformed into all good. If you spend only one day speaking of good things and saying "Thank you" at every single opportunity, you will not believe your tomorrow. Deliberately thinking good thoughts is exactly like planting seeds. As you think good thoughts you are planting good seeds inside you, and the Universe will transform those seeds into a garden of paradise. How will the garden of paradise appear? As your life!
May the joy be with you,
Rhonda Byrne
The Secret... bringing joy to billions
-Kim
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
A shift...
For some reason on Monday I felt a complete shift in myself. I can't pinpoint when, how or why. I'm not sure what happened to make this "shift" come about - if it was something I read, something I heard or just a feeling that I had. And I can't even completely explain it.
It's kind of like when you're watching a movie and all of a sudden the screen looks like water rippling. I'm not sure if that makes any sense - it makes sense to me so I guess that's all that matters. (And no, that's not how it actually happened; my vision did not get like water rippling; that's just how I'm describing it.) Or kind of like when there's been an earthquake halfway across the world but you somehow feel it and know it happened even before hearing it on the news. I don't know how else to describe it.
I just feel different. And not in a bad way, but a good one!
-Kim
It's kind of like when you're watching a movie and all of a sudden the screen looks like water rippling. I'm not sure if that makes any sense - it makes sense to me so I guess that's all that matters. (And no, that's not how it actually happened; my vision did not get like water rippling; that's just how I'm describing it.) Or kind of like when there's been an earthquake halfway across the world but you somehow feel it and know it happened even before hearing it on the news. I don't know how else to describe it.
I just feel different. And not in a bad way, but a good one!
-Kim
Sunday, August 3, 2008
An epiphany?
Before I started to write this post I looked up the word epiphany just to make sure I was using it correctly and came up with this:
e·piph·a·ny
[i-pif-uh-nee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun, plural -nies.
And yes, after reading the definition I figured I'm using it correctly.
For a while now I've felt that I needed to go back and read the very 1st book that got me started in this new "awakening" or "becoming conscious": Ishmael. But I've been hesitant in starting it again for a few reasons; one being I have a list of other books I haven't read yet that I really want to get started on. Another reason being in the back of my mind I kept saying "I really don't need to read it again" but I wasn't sure why. Now I know why.
After reading the book Ishmael I had so many questions. The biggest one being of course "Now what? How do I help save the world?" I got my answer to this question a few minutes ago when I was online looking for an Ishmael "study" group. I came upon a question and answer page at the Ishmael website that made me smile. Daniel Quinn (the author of Ishmael) answered the question of how, which is what most people ask after reading his book.
His answer was this:
"By far the most frequently asked question I receive is some form of "Yes, but . . . what exactly am I supposed to DO?" There is no single recipe for saving the world (anymore than there is a single recipe for making a cake or building an aircraft). Rather there are six billion recipes, one for each of us, since each of us is uniquely placed in the world, with unique talents, opportunities, and circles of influence.
I now don't feel as if I HAVE to read Ishmael again. At least, not right now.
-Kim
e·piph·a·ny
[i-pif-uh-nee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun, plural -nies. | 1. | (initial capital letter) a Christian festival, observed on January 6, commemorating the manifestation of Christ to the gentiles in the persons of the Magi; Twelfth-day. |
| 2. | an appearance or manifestation, esp. of a deity. |
| 3. | a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. |
| 4. | a literary work or section of a work presenting, usually symbolically, such a moment of revelation and insight. |
For a while now I've felt that I needed to go back and read the very 1st book that got me started in this new "awakening" or "becoming conscious": Ishmael. But I've been hesitant in starting it again for a few reasons; one being I have a list of other books I haven't read yet that I really want to get started on. Another reason being in the back of my mind I kept saying "I really don't need to read it again" but I wasn't sure why. Now I know why.
After reading the book Ishmael I had so many questions. The biggest one being of course "Now what? How do I help save the world?" I got my answer to this question a few minutes ago when I was online looking for an Ishmael "study" group. I came upon a question and answer page at the Ishmael website that made me smile. Daniel Quinn (the author of Ishmael) answered the question of how, which is what most people ask after reading his book.
His answer was this:
"By far the most frequently asked question I receive is some form of "Yes, but . . . what exactly am I supposed to DO?" There is no single recipe for saving the world (anymore than there is a single recipe for making a cake or building an aircraft). Rather there are six billion recipes, one for each of us, since each of us is uniquely placed in the world, with unique talents, opportunities, and circles of influence.
Humanity is teetering on the edge of extinction, and its future will be decided in the next half century. What is one to do about this? Albert Einstein said, "The world we have created is a product of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking."
I've often likened our situation to the beginning of the Renaissance. People weren't running around asking themselves, "How do we make this thing work?" The Renaissance didn't come about because people began to do new things; rather, new things began to be done because people were thinking in a new way. A new synergy developed that transformed European society. This is what must happen again, now, and this is something we can all collaborate on (and must collaborate on).
You ask what the narrator "would have done" following his encounter with Ishmael. That should be obvious. Ishmael told him to "teach a hundred what I've taught you and encourage them to teach a hundred." He did even better than that. He wrote a narrative of his encounter with Ishmael, thus sharing it with hundreds of thousands of readers around the world. That's not something "everyone" can do, of course. It was just what he could do, which is what everyone must discover for himself or herself (which was true for me as well).
After reading his answer was when the epiphany happened. I didn't realize it, but all of this time I have been answering my own question of how by trying to become a better person and reading all of the books that I have and doing my own research and trying to find my place in this world. The past year I have changed my way of thinking. I haven't been sweating the small stuff as much and have been working on being happy. And when this realization hit me a feeling welled up inside of me: one of completeness and love. And it feels awesome. I knew I was on my way but to actually "see it" is huge and one of the best feelings in the world.I now don't feel as if I HAVE to read Ishmael again. At least, not right now.
-Kim
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Reading Time
I'm reading the book "Eat Pray Love" right now, and it's quite different than I thought it would be. I was expecting an explosion of spiritual awakening, but so far (I'm 100 pages in) it's a more gentle experience.
I found quite a few lines that interested me, but one has really hit home: "The Bhagavad Gita- that ancient Indian Yogic text- says that it is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody Else's life with perfection." (pg 95).
This is true and obvious, but for some reason it really gave me pause. I have been thinking of my own life so far, and I have to question the validity of who I am versus who I'm trying to be. I think we all have a vision of our lives and what we're trying to accomplish, but are those lives without the influence of the people we meet? For instance: I have a friend who's financial standing is something that I would love to accomplish. I don't think I'll ever get to the point she is, in part due to my chosen line of work and the things that I value in my life that differ from hers. But, in striving to accomplish some sort of the same financial stability because by knowing her I know it can be done, am I trying to live "an imitation" of her life?
It's an interesting thought.
I found quite a few lines that interested me, but one has really hit home: "The Bhagavad Gita- that ancient Indian Yogic text- says that it is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody Else's life with perfection." (pg 95).
This is true and obvious, but for some reason it really gave me pause. I have been thinking of my own life so far, and I have to question the validity of who I am versus who I'm trying to be. I think we all have a vision of our lives and what we're trying to accomplish, but are those lives without the influence of the people we meet? For instance: I have a friend who's financial standing is something that I would love to accomplish. I don't think I'll ever get to the point she is, in part due to my chosen line of work and the things that I value in my life that differ from hers. But, in striving to accomplish some sort of the same financial stability because by knowing her I know it can be done, am I trying to live "an imitation" of her life?
It's an interesting thought.
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