Holiday Happiness

During the past few months I've realized how few friends I really have because I decided to let the word "friend" mean something more to me than in the past. I've also stopped trying to make excuses for people and thus feeling badly that I don't "measure up" to whatever deserved their time and attention because I, obviously, did not. Because of the change in my thinking I have, in essence, freed myself from feeling less-than-worthy and thinking that there was something lacking in me as a person. With this change of thought came a great calm and a fullness in my heart, and an even greater appreciation for the true friends and the family I have. I have a lot to be thankful for, and I can't think of a greater time to have come to this honest and amazing realization than around the holidays!

I suppose this isn't particularly "Science of the Mind" geared, but this has come into fruition due to my continuous 'studying' of spirituality. So, it seemed fitting ;-)

-- Jenn

Day to Myself

I did a lot of spiritual work today. I didn't have the kids with me, so I decided to use my free time for me rather than on the house. I went to the book store and spent 2 hours there, first to wander around the spiritual and religion sections, and then to get a coffee and read Pure Inspiration Magazine.

There was a lot of great information in there, as usual, and quite a few articles hit me right in the heart. It's amazing how much of "me" I can read into articles about other people; it just goes to show that we aren't as separate from each other as we might think we are!

One of my favorite things I read was an article about Dr. Catherine Northrup. I've heard her name a few times, but I never knew she was such an inspiration in the medical field. She is a paramount figure in Womens health, but her message is true about all human kind. She realizes the holistic approach to our health is so important; that our minds are connected to our bodies in ways that people don't think about very often, and that can lead to a lot of illnesses that may be avoided. We all know it's true, because when we feel badly about ourselves or about situations in our lives, we tend to get sicker easier. Her philosopy is very real and very spiritual... Quite an interesting Lady.

There was so much circling my brain when I left the store! I felt completely recharged and refreshed, and I even picked up 2 new books to add to all the others I'm reading ;-)

-- Jenn

I Get It

I was in a dark place for a while, but I managed to face my demons and come out the other side alright. Part was due to positive thinking, but the other part of it was due to actually facing an adverse situation in my life. In this particular situation I was forced to confront it because I had no other alternative, and it ended up working out better than I could have imagined.

I have a horrible habit of running away from what scares me or makes me unhappy rather than facing it head on. I know it's a bad habit because 9 times out of 10 it isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, and all I ended up accomplishing was wasting hours of my life worrying about something that was out of my control in the first place. I've worked long and hard to try and change my approach to things, and I have to say that it appears to be working. Thank goodness, because I've had a lot of tests against my resolve lately!

I'm not angry any more. I've had this simmering anger toward certain things in my life, and no matter how I tried to change my views or approach the situation in a different way it just didn't matter. I'd be hurt, angry, confused, scared... all those toxic emotions that make us so unhappy in our lives. But, in facing the part of my life that was so depressing to me the past month and then having a wonderful weekend full of family and friends at my childrens' birthday party, it really proved to me that I am stronger than I gave myself credit for. I have more control over my life than I had realized (in my mind I had known, but in my heart I guess I didn't because I actually felt it this weekend and finally understood), and I am surrounded by more love than I realized. The other stuff, the bad/hurt feelings, are no longer a consideration for me. I am worth so much more than that, and there is so much that is wonderful around me that I just don't care to waste a moment on the other 'stuff.' If it hurts me or makes me feel bad then I'm done with it. I won't allow the external to control me any more, because I am stronger than that. I am NOT a result, but I AM a cause!!!!!

And so it is.

--Jenn

Remember Me This

I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself, wondering why so many people seem to "have it all", and I remembered a quote from The Science of the Mind textbook that states, "... the answer in NOT that God has responded to some and not to others, but that some have responded to God more than others." (pg. 28)

I take this sentence to heart in a lot of ways. The "poor me" mentality isn't my usual mindset, but I find myself falling into it when I feel cornered or stuck somewhere either mentally or physically. Why is that? Because as a human race we've been conditioned to control our environment rather than to control ourselves. We learn from an early age that our environment is to be manipulated rather than taught how to understand and work with the very things that make us who we are; our mind and soul.

I see this happening more and more. Look at the parents who march themselves into their child's classroom and bully the teachers because their children aren't getting the grades they think they "deserve", or the people who threaten coaches of sports teams because their kids don't get to play all the or the team doesn't win. Notice the people who yell at customer service people because these people are unfortunate enough to be on the front line of what ever news they're delivering, the constant violence in the streets because people want more, etc. More and more people are experiencing depression because of our economy, the sate of the World.... People are lacking the very coping skills we were born with because they don't know any other way to be than to be angry.

I have to remind myself every day, and sometimes every moment!, that I have the ability to make my life what it is. I hold the very power and strength that I ask the Universe to give me right here inside; I just have to remember to use it.

Unwind

I'm wondering if apathy really exists, or if repeating "I don't care" inside your head just reinforces the feeling that you actually do care? Science of the Mind teaches us that once you actually manifest a thought it begins to have motion, but I'm wondering if the form changes depending on the thought around the statement.

I know this sounds cryptic, but I've been having some trouble lately and decided to adopt an "I don't care" attitude about a lot of things. This all occurred due to feeling like I was boxed in to a few different things, and I figured that the "easy way out" might serve me well. It has for the most part, but at some times I get this almost overwhelming feeling of sadness that it about takes my breath away. If it's due to a response of something than I obviously do care, so am I spinning my wheels for nothing?

I'm also wondering (now) if having an "I don't care" attitude is really smart. If the Truth says that you are your beliefs, will it then stand to reason that I will become dead to feelings? That's pretty scary.

Sometimes a Duck

Kim and I went away, just the two of us, this past weekend. It was a chance to renew and refresh, and I wasn't disappointed. I got to do a lot of spiritual reading, a lot of thinking and, best of all, a lot of laughing.

It rained most of the weekend which was fine by us, but on Sunday morning it started to clear up. I got a cup of coffee in the morning and took a walk by the lake to watch the sun come up and to do some meditation. I felt centered pretty quickly, so I decided to walk on the pier and just look at what nature had to say. What follows is what I wrote when I got back to the room:

"I went down to the lake this morning because the sun decided to make an appearance. I was just standing there, looking at the reeds and lily pads, when noticed a duck on the dock. She was your typical Mallard, but what struck me was where she was; right next to one of the Swan Boats.

I watched her preen herself, this plain brown duck, and began wondering if she felt at all shadowed by the impressive Swan behind her. I wondered if she were trying to pretty herself up so she may resemble the Swan, if she was comforted by just being in the presence of the Swan even though she was just an average duck, or if she was jealous of the swan...

Suddenly she spread her wings and flew off over the lake, a perfect image of grace and beauty. In that moment I realized how foolish my thinking had been, both in regards to the duck and to my own situation in life.

The Swan Boat was beautiful, no question. It was clean, majestic, and obviously well cared for. This pretty-to-look-at boat was created with the idea of completing one goal: to provide safe travels around the lake for guests while making a profit for the resort. It manages to do the job daily, and does it repeatedly in order to maximize the return for the resort, all while remaining beautiful.

So, when does the Swan get to spread it's wings? Well, obviously it can't. Here we have a boat made to look like a gorgeous bird, yet it can't do the one thing that makes birds unique. It's stuck making a profit while at the will of someone other than itself- a slave to someone else's vision of perfection.

But, what about the duck? Ordinary as she appeared, she ended up being extraordinary. She is the one who is happy... and free."

My Moment

I had a "WooHoo" moment earlier today. I had a few mini "woohoo" moments while on vacation this past week, but I had a major one today.

We came home from vacation a day early so that we could "relax" before the chaos of this week begins. My son starts Kindergarten tomorrow (which is a disaster because he's starting a week late which means they had to unroll him and we have to re-enroll him tomorrow), and we still have some things to do in preparation for that. Anyway, we got home and found out our air conditioning was broken. Living in Florida this is NOT a great thing to have happen any time of the year, and in the summer it's enough to make even the most easy-going person scream. I was mildly annoyed, but remembered that we lived through it a month ago and we could live through it again. Which we did.

This morning my husband went into the attic (read, crawl space) to see what was going on. He had to go to the store to purchase a ShopVac because the water was going where it wasn't supposed to. We hefted it up the ladder to the "attic" and he sucked a good 4 gallons out, then handed the ShopVac down to me, then I had the job of lugging it to the sink to empty it. We did it one more time, and as he was working the ShopVac slipped through the ceiling opening and crashed to the floor. I felt it brush my hair on the way down, and as I watched it open and spill gallons of water onto the floor, the first thought in my head was, "Thank God!"

That was my "WooHoo" moment. Where before there would have been 4 letter words and accusations there was instead a feeling of calm and thankfulness. I actually took a moment to say "thank you" that I hadn't been a fraction of an inch closer to the ladder, because we surly would have been on the way to the hospital. I gave a heart-felt "thank you" for the safety of my daughter who was about 5 feet from the event, my son who was safe, and a "thank you" that my husband hadn't had his hand wrapped in the ShopVac hose and fallen as well.

Even while cleaning up the mess I was smiling because my floors are clean now, the a/c is working, and we'll be laughing about this in a few weeks.

The Universe is kind.

-- Jenn

Crossroads

Sometimes it's hard to be a grownup. Harder still is the knowledge of what should be done for the right reasons vs. what you want to do for the wrong reason. But, even harder than that is when those thoughts (and the emotions involved with them) tangle together until it's almost impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins.

I'm going through this right now. I'm trying to make sense of my relationships with people, and the excruciating part is trying to decipher what affects me and for what reason. I keep reminding myself to stay positive, to find the positive side of each situation that I find myself encountering, and most of all I try to keep the thought of "everything happens as it should" in the forefront of my mind. However, it's becoming harder and harder to do this when I find myself getting angry. I'm not sure if "angry" is even the correct word to use; I think frustrated is more accurate. I feel boxed in to a corner in some ways because by taking action to remove myself from a lot of the very situations that are causing me to feel this way I will be causing of a lot more 'stuff' than what I'm encountering now. In the long run it may be better for me, but I'm not sure if I want to travel the road that comes before resolution.

-- Jenn

Newspaper Confirmation

Funny how things happen. As you all know, I'm not a believer in coincidences and the Universe shows me how right I am in a lot of ways. Sometimes it's comical, like how it happened this weekend. I was reading "Dear Abby" and the topic was "Heroes Close to Home". How funny!

-- Jenn

Ride Your Ponies Proudly

There was talk today of Shetland ponies. Sound interesting? Read on then.

Think about your childhood heroes. Usually they consisted of superheroes, princesses, athletes, people who appeared "larger than life" because of what they did or what they portrayed. They were the "untouchables"; the people that we adored and wanted to be like, but that we had no real hopes in actually being.

Now, think of your heroes today. Who are they? Are they people like the President of the United States? Are they actors/actresses? Sports players? Or, are they people who are closer to home? People who you come into contact with often, people who are ordinary yet impact your life or someone's life who's close to you?

In short, are your heroes riding big steeds, bashing around the countryside making a lot of noise, or are they happily riding along on their little Shetland ponies, content to blend in and do things quietly?

I was thinking about my heroes quite a bit on my ride home from Church today and was not surprised at who came to mind. In all honesty they are friends, family, and co-workers now. I do hold the utmost respect for some of the famous people of the world (like the Dalai Lama and those other truly amazing people), but my heart-felt heroes are the people that fill my life every day.

I have two friends who constantly amaze me. One has come from a horrific upbringing and has lived through horrors that I can't even imagine. She has struggled with money the whole time I've known her but she just keeps pressing forward. Her children and family are her driving force, and some how she finds the resolve she needs to keep going forward when most people in her position would, I'm sure, just throw up their hands and yell "I QUIT!". My other friend has been struggling with her spirituality and, in essence her happiness, for a while. She has been shown the real dishonest side of humanity a lot, has been disappointed by many, and has been forced to do a lot of single-parenting for reasons beyond her control. She doesn't give up though, and I find that her persistence in finding the balance between her spirituality and reality pretty amazing.

Of course, there is my mom. She is my number 1 hero. She amazes me with what she's lived through (alcoholic parents, married to an alcoholic, 2-time breast cancer survivor), yet through it all it has never been about her. Her experiences have never defined her, but they have rather shaped her. They have been situations to live with and through rather than live in, and she has managed to be a pillar of strength through it all. Her life continues to move forward and yet also manages to shift and change around these situations that the Universe gives her; and she manages to live her life so beautifully!

There are more because, of course, every person in our lives' touch us in many ways, but these 3 people were the first ones to come to mind at this point in my life. They are my constants; my real-life heroes!

As the Reverend said today: It takes ordinary people doing ordinary things to create the miraculous.

-- Jenn

Returning

It's been a long time since I've been able to post on this blog. Between my 9-month-old daughter's health problems, busy times at work, and trying to keep my family's life in some sort of order I'm afraid I let this blog slip to the way-side.

However, now I'm off of work until mid-October. I'll be studying during that time as a well as trying to enjoy my kids as much as I can, but I've also made a pact with myself to come back to this blog regularly. I have been working on my spirituality, and it has been manifesting itself in a lot of ways.

I look forward to updating frequently now!


--Jenn

I'm going to be trying something new.

There is a lot of chaos in my life right now, and I fear that I am not handling it too well. I'm allowing my reality to be constructed by what seems to be true rather than what I know is true. I fear it's because I haven't been able to go to Church with any regularity, and I've slacked off on doing my spiritual work outside of those days that aren't at the Church. I know better, and I'm only hurting myself when I get lazy.

So, I bought a new journal and I picked up the daily affirmations at my Church. I plan to write an entry every day that follows with the affirmation, thus making the things in my life more of a positive experience than a negative one.

Baby steps...

Time Flies

I'm very pleased with myself. *pats self on back* I came up with a plan back in February that I was pretty proud of. I figured out a way to sort of "get back" at someone for treating me pretty badly, and the plan I created was one that I knew would hit their mark. I knew I could really play with this person's mind and I was pretty excited to set the plan in motion. My driving force was, obviously, revenge because I felt that I had had my mind messed with enough and in a very calculated manner and I wanted to "give what I got."

However, I managed to step back from myself before I did anything rash. I told myself to hang on for a few days and really think about what I was planning, and I came to the realization that the driving force behind my desire was, well, wrong. I went back to the lesson that anything you do that's driven by hurt or anger only creates more hurt and anger, and that was not what I wanted in my life. I reminded myself that I am not the creator of Karma, and that this person was going to get what they deserved by the natural Laws of the Universe- who was I to step in the way of that?

This was an amazing turn of events in my life and just proves to me how far I've come in this journey. I was always the one who would lash out because I was hurt, or run and leave things unresolved because I didn't want to show any vulnerability at all. In regards to this situation I am amazed that I was able to leap beyond the easy way, that I was able to realize that all I would be doing would be creating even more upset and hurt in a situation that certainly didn't need any more of either emotion.

I do have my moment of weakness and I've slipped up a bit this past month, but I'm nothing if not a work in progress! I am trying to live my life as honestly as possible, but sometimes it's hard when I'm surrounded by toxic people.


---Jenn

Shift of Thought

I've had quite a few weeks of struggling lately. I've feels disheartened and alone, and I even began feeling as life were a hazard rather than a gift. I knew I needed to make a change but wasn't sure exactly what kind of change I needed to make.

It ended up being quite simple, really. As I've been taught and have been trying to learn, I spun my thoughts to positive. I made a promise to myself that, for one whole day, I would find something positive in every single thing that happened to me.

The result? A new happiness. Or, not a new happiness per se, but rather a happiness that felt new because I had lost it so completely.

Every time it happens I'm shocked, even though you'd think I'd know better by now. It's almost as if I get so comfortable in my unhappiness that I don't want to make the effort to change the path I'm on. Even when I recognize where I'm headed it's like I will myself to get to the pit of dispare quickly so that I can get comfortable in my unhappiness. But, once I make that one conscious shift it's and almost instantaneous change within me, and at that point the whole world seems like such a brighter place.

-- Jenn

Valentines Day

It's no secret that I loath Valentine's Day. I have ever since I was little; I thought it was silly that there was one day a year set aside to "prove" how much you love someone. I think it was a protection thing vs. an honest dislike of the holiday, but the feeling stuck and I have yet to celebrate the day.

However; this year I decided that I will celebrate it. I plan to spend the day celebrating the love of my family, friends and, of course, the Universe. I will light candles in thanks of the day, and I will take some time to meditate and do some affirmations.

So, in planning for the day I searched the web for some ideas on ways to make Valentine's Day a special day for my family. I want to do a craft or two with Ian, spend some time with my husband just talking, and make a point to call all my friends to chat and catch up.... I was looking for other ideas and, even though it shouldn't matter, I am upset with some things that I came across in regards to Science of the Mind. This website for one, which calls my beliefs a cult. I'm not going to spend a lot of time on this because I don't feel it's worth my time, but it saddens me that people can be so closed-minded. It's sad to me that someone who seems to have such a strong belief system could bash another's views though, because isn't one thing religion 'teaches' us is about patience and tolerance? The most ironic thing is that Science of the Mind teaches that every religion has it's place, is to be respected and honored, and that we can all learn from each other's beliefs. Funny how things like that happen.

Acceptance...

It's Monday, I'm exhausted from our weekend, yet I'm in an awesome mood. I'm looking forward to the week ahead and am actually psyched about it. While we did have a great weekend filled with soccer and friends, I also learned alot about myself in just one instance yesterday.

Our ceiling fan in our bedroom is only about 5-6 months old, but we've been having trouble with the light switch recently. Saturday night the light would not turn off so I ended up sleeping in Tristan's room in his top bunk (I cannot sleep with lights on and Sean was passed out in bed snoring). So yesterday Sean decides to try and fix it. (Keep in mind he is NOT an electrician AND when he first hooked the big, heavy fan up to the ceiling he had help from our neighbor.) Long story short, my fan is now in a million pieces because it was too heavy for him to do this on his own and it fell (nearly hitting me by less then a foot). But my reaction to the whole thing is what surprised me. Normally, this kind of stuff happens all the time with Sean and I get so annoyed. He is a bull in a china shop - an accident waiting to happen whether he trips over his own two feet or breaks things (he just broke Kieran's Nintendo DS game holder for instance).

To my surprise I didn't get that annoying feeling, the blood didn't rush to my head and I did not blame or scream at him. I walked out of the room, got Tristan and his things and left for the soccer fields. And that was that.

Acceptance is something I've been working very hard on this past year. And it's paying off. I honestly feel that if you can accept anything - you're better off. You make yourself miserable when you don't accept - when you fight things. Whether it's accepting you have to do something you really don't want to do, or accepting people for who they are - whatever your situation - if you just "accept", you're fine. (This is all stuff I've learned by reading many books: Way of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman and A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle are some of those books.) I've been doing that with soccer as well. Those who know me know it's been a very trying year soccer wise. I'm learning to accept the fact that you cannot make everyone happy and that some just like to bitch and moan - that's their character. I refuse to let myself get wrapped up in it again and I'm just accepting some people are unhappy. And it seems nothing short of a miracle will make them happy either so I'll let them sit in their own delusions and unhappiness without bringing me down with them. I'm accepting that I cannot fix everything and cannot make everyone happy.

Acceptance is part of the key to joy fullness and happiness. Try to make acceptance a part of your everyday life and I promise you, you WILL notice a difference.

-Kim

New Year 2009

Last night I was fortunate enough to participate in a Burning Bowl ceremony at my Church. If you aren't familiar with this type of ritual, the short version is this: You write down all the negative happening/feelings associated with the previous year and then you burn the piece of paper in a cauldron type of bowl.

One of the greatest quotes read last night was by, of course, founder Ernest Holmes. It was great for bringing in the New Year, so I wanted to repeat it here:

"Life is a blackboard upon which we consciously or unconsciously write those messages which govern us. We hold the chalk and the eraser in our hand but are ignorant of this fact. What we now experience we need not continue to experience, but the hand which holds the eraser must do its neutralizing work."

This was an amazing experience for me. I've never been one to even notice New Years Eve so attending something was strange enough, but then to experience such an inspiring ceremony was pretty awesome. I left there feeling rejuvenated, powerful, and totally in control. The feeling has managed to continue today, so I have great hope that this year is going to be my year!

For a more in-depth explanation of the Burning Bowl ceremony you can visit this site for more information. Remember, just because the first of the year is over it doesn't mean that you can't still have a burning bowl ceremony of your own.