One

Today Kim and I watched the move "One" which is an independent film that came out in 2004/2005. It was created by a man who woke up one day with a burning desire to make a film based on perceptions of the World and, together with two other people who had no film experience at all, set out to interview some of the top spiritual leaders and thinkers of this century.

The basis of this film was centered around 20 main questions which Kim and I have been pondering since seeing this feature. We thought it would be interesting to post the questions here and get some responses from our readers.

1. Why is there poverty and suffering in the world?
2. What is the relationship between science and religion?
3. Why are so many people depressed?
4. What are we all so afraid of?
5. When is war justifiable?
6. How would God want us to respond to aggression and terrorism?
7. How does one obtain true peace?
8. What does it mean to live in the present moment?
9. What is our greatest distraction?
10. Is current religion serving it's purpose?
11. What happens to you after you die?
12. Describe Heaven and how to get there.
13. What is the meaning of life?
14. Describe God.
15. What is the greatest quality humans possess?
16. What is it that prevents people from living to their full potential?
17. Can't do this one because it requires a non-verbal response.
18. What is your one wish for the world?
19. What is wisdom, and how do we gain it?
20. Are we all One?

I have my thoughts but I don't want to respond just yet. I will say that there is a general theme, in my mind, that runs through most of these.

I'm really curious to see what you all think!

-- Jenn

Holding My Hand

We have a prayer box at Church. We all send our positive energy for the requests at the end of the service and then the ecclesiastical team does their treatment work for 30 days after that. Rev. Nikki always cautions us that the result we may get may not be the one we wanted up front, but rather is the one that is for the greatest good of all involved.

A few months ago I put a "prayer request" into the prayer box myself. I've only done three requests myself; one was for my mother to beat her cancer, the other was to have a healthy and happy pregnancy, and the other was this request (I'll share in a moment). The first two appear to have been well received and I am so very thankful for that!

Anyway, this request I left broad. I didn't want to make any provisions or stipulations because I'm very aware of the negative affects that can have on the outcome of our desires. I did treatment work on my request and decided to let the Universe work it's magic and help me on my way.

I've had this request in the back of my mind since putting that piece of paper in the prayer box. I haven't "thought it to death" or tried to claw my way through it, but I have thought about it and done mini-treatment work as the thoughts rolled through my mind. I've kept my eyes open and my head clear so I'd be ready when the situation presented itself... And I believe it did!

My request was to find a job I could do working from home so I can raise my children. I feel my son has really gotten an unfair 'start' in life with me having to work full time and I don't want this new baby to be put in to daycare at six weeks old. It's been a driving force for me, so I decided to ask for the Universe's help.

As I said, I didn't push the issue with myself; I just stayed receptive and I was almost guided to a possible solution without any manipulation on my part! Here's how it fell together:

I'm a member of an on-line expecting club. One day someone started a thread about what we did for a living. I don't normally read through all the posts to a subject like that (there were over 100 responses) but I did. There were the usual teachers, social workers, paralegals, but there was one woman reported that she worked from home doing Medical Transcribing. I decided to contact her to see if it may be feasible for me to do something like this, but I wasn't holding out too much hope since I know that's one of the 'careers' that falls victim to scams. She wrote me back and gave me all sorts of information about it, along with the website to the school she graduated from so I could do research.

I spent 2 months researching the school and the profession itself. The downsides were money (4 thousand dollars for the course) and a time line of 18 months. I spent those two months agonizing over the decision and reading over every bit of information I could get... And then I realized something. Here I was, being handed something that I had asked for, and I was trying to find every reason not to follow the Universe's lead! How silly was I being? I had this opportunity handed to me, my prayer answered, and I was choosing to sit by and stare at it? No way!

I enrolled. Just like that.

I immediately began introducing myself on the forums. After two days I got a private message from someone who lives near me, which is pretty amazing considering this course is world-wide. It got stranger still as we progressed in our discussions; she's newly pregnant, has suffered miscarriages just as I have, is on the same medical supplements as I was, and is on the same blood clotting medication as I am! We have a plan to meet up when our schedules allow and I can't wait.

So, although I'm a bit overwhelmed by the stuff I have to do, I have no doubt that this was a gift received from the Universe itself. I am so very thankful to have this opportunity and I will do everything I can to make it a success!

Breathing Room

The past couple of nights, after I'd get settled comfortably into bed, I'd turn the TV off and just lie there, concentrating on my breathing and meditate. I'd concentrate on the part of my body that hurts and try to mentally fix what's wrong while pushing the pain down around my shoulder, through my arm and out my fingers. It might sound nuts, but it's working! And after yesterday when I actually saw on the MRI where the herniated disc actually was, it helped give me more of a visual so that when I went to bed last night I could concentrate better on what it looks like, what it should look like and where in my body it actually was. After that, I'd then concentrate on what's important in my life - everything that's good - and I'd fall asleep with happy thoughts running through my head.

That little pep talk I gave myself in the previous post before this also helped. I was focusing too much on the pain and the "this isn't fair" and the poor me. My "pain body" was taking over and I can't stand seeing that in others so seeing it in myself was even worse. So I decided I'm done with my pain body - it's gone! And today was a good day!

I just read the Daily Motivation for today and it was right on. It's all about acceptance and enjoying life no matter what. Once I accepted what I've got and that it might take some time to heal, I felt better. Acceptance is huge in any situation you find yourself in. I do know one thing: since this has happened I've been worried that I'd lose feeling in my arm and eventually wouldn't be able to completely hug my kids anymore. That scared me the most. Or I'd worry that it was even worse then it is and would eventually effect me walking and I'd no longer be able to play with my kids (something I wasn't doing enough of right before this happened). So I can guarantee you that my kids get TONS of hugs everyday and that once I get the OK to do physical activities, I will be outside playing and running around with my family!!! Sometimes the universe throws these little "wake up calls" at you just when you need them!

Friday, August 22, 2008

Breathing room

Look back on your life up to this point and you'll quickly see that many of your worries and concerns were completely unfounded. So why do you still insist on cranking out those worries at every turn of events?

How many times have you looked back on an occasion with the regret that you didn't simply enjoy yourself? There's nothing you can do about those past regrets, but there's plenty you can do about right now.

It's ridiculously easy to enjoy life, no matter what the situation. It's just a matter of letting go.
Let go of the worry and anxiety, of the anger and envy, of the need to be right and the need to control everyone else. Let go of the need to have everything your way.

Underneath all those layers of need and worry and negativity, there is pure joy. When you simply accept what is, and choose to enjoy the goodness in it, life can be wonderfully rich and beautiful.

Stop worrying and fighting so much, and start enjoying a little more. Give joy some breathing room and it will flourish in your life. -- Ralph Marston

-Kim

Intuition...

and that feeling that something isn't right.

In my 36 years of life I have to admit I've been very lucky when it comes to my health. I've had a few surgeries, a few bumps in the road but nothing major.

When I was just 11 years old I started with bad pains in my right side. I couldn't sit, couldn't stand - it was horrible. We went to countless different doctors - gynecologists, urologists, psychologists, etc. They did xrays, IV Pilograms, ultrasounds, countless kidney scans and cat scans and couldn't find a thing. At one point I ended up in the hospital for over 3 weeks for a severe kidney infection. But after I came home I still had bad pain and the doctors sent me to a psychologist saying it was only in my head. Only I knew it wasn't. I knew my body, even at that young age and I knew something wasn't right. So, luckily my parents believed me and we took those same xrays and cat scans up to New York University and within 15 minutes we knew what was causing my pain - kidney stones! I had 7 in my right and I think 5 or 6 in my left! I followed my intuition (along with my parents help) and found out I was right!

Through the years since then I've been healthy. I've had Bunion Surgery (on both feet) and on one foot twice, a laporoscopy and a C-section and that's about it.

For the past 2-3 years I've had this numbing sensation in the back of my left shoulder which spread to about a 2-3 inch radius. I'd tell the doctor when I was there for checkups and he'd have me push and pull with my hands and my arms; checking for any weakness in that arm and would find nothing. But in the back of my head I kept thinking to myself that something wasn't right.

Which brings me to today. This past week I found out I have a severe herniated disc in my neck which is causing pain and numbness in my left arm and pain in the back of my neck/shoulder. No, it's not life threatening and yes, I know it's just another "bump" in the road but I'm kind of mad at myself for not listening to my instinct and not pushing the issue like I did when I was younger. And I could bring up all the lame excuses like: "I've got 3 kids, they come first". Or "there's so much going on all the time I don't have time to take care of me". And I'm sure there are a bunch of others I could think of if you gave me time to come up with them.

The fact is I ignored my intuition - something I usually never do. And I'm mad at myself for it. Had I pushed the issue, I might not be here, stuck on my couch like I have been for weeks now. And I'm now left feeling guilty as hell because my poor husband is starting to get frazzled and run around like a chicken with his head cut off.

I've been beating myself up lately for this and am only making myself feel worse. It is what it is - just another bump in the road and it soon will pass!!!! (I just need to keep reminding myself that! And hoping it's sooner rather then later that it passes) ;)

This is a lesson well learned for me: don't forget to listen to that inner voice you have! It may be more in tune then you really think! Which brings me to the nagging feeling I have after seeing the orthopedic surgeon this morning: that what they told me just isn't good enough. I don't know if it's because they can't help get rid of this pain right now; or because I heard some negative things about the office before going; or if I really should just go and get a 2nd opinion.

I think tomorrow morning I'm going to call a neurosurgeon who comes highly recommended and make that appointment for a 2nd opinion. I need to follow my intuition and this nagging feeling I have!

I can't help but think of a quote that Jenn has on one of her blogs that says:
"When you encounter difficulties and contradictions, do not try to break them, but bend them with gentleness and time." – St. Francis De Sales
I can sit here and choose to bitch and moan and feel sorry for myself and fight the fact that I need to rest to get better or I can just go with the flow, feel that my body just needs to rest to get better and let it happen.

-Kim

How do I stop my negative thoughts?

There are no coincidences right? So when I saw the below in my email this morning it not only helped me out alot but made me smile. I've been in alot of pain lately due to what they think is a spur on my spine in the upper left part of my neck. I'm going for an MRI soon to find out exactly what it is, but of course negative thoughts have been flowing throughout my brain as to what this could be (other then a spur) and I've had countless nightmares about it. The past couple of days negative thoughts have filled my brain because of this and then there's a few other things as well rolling around in there.

After everything I've read this year and how great I was feeling, it's amazing how quickly you can forget what you've learned and "fall" back into being sad or depressed or just having negative thoughts. So the email below couldn't have come at a better time!

A Secret Scrolls message from Rhonda Byrne
Creator of The Secret

"How do I stop my negative thoughts?" - is a question that I have been asked many times. If you have ever asked this question then you will feel such enormous relief in knowing the answer, because it is so simple. How do you stop negative thoughts? You plant good thoughts!

When you try to stop negative thoughts, you are focusing on what you don't want - negative thoughts - and you will attract an abundance of them. They can never disappear if you are focused on them. The "stop" part is irrelevant - the negative thoughts are your focus. It doesn't matter if you are trying to stop negative thoughts or control them or push them away, the result is the same. Your focus is on negative thoughts, and by the law of attraction you are inviting more of them to you.

The truth is always simple and it is always easy. To stop negative thoughts, just plant good thoughts! Deliberately plant good thoughts! You plant good thoughts by making it a daily practice to appreciate all the things in your day. Appreciate your health, your car, your home, your family, your job, your friends, your surroundings, your meals, your pets, and the magnificent beauty of the day. Compliment, praise, and give thanks to all things. Every time you say "Thank you" it is a good thought! As you plant more and more good thoughts, the negative thoughts will be wiped out. Why? Because your focus is on good thoughts, and what you focus on you attract.

So don't give any attention to negative thoughts. Don't worry about them. If any come, make light of them, shrug them off, and let them be your reminder to deliberately think more good thoughts now.

The more good thoughts you can plant in a day, the faster your life will be utterly transformed into all good. If you spend only one day speaking of good things and saying "Thank you" at every single opportunity, you will not believe your tomorrow. Deliberately thinking good thoughts is exactly like planting seeds. As you think good thoughts you are planting good seeds inside you, and the Universe will transform those seeds into a garden of paradise. How will the garden of paradise appear? As your life!

May the joy be with you,

Rhonda Byrne
The Secret... bringing joy to billions

-Kim

A shift...

For some reason on Monday I felt a complete shift in myself. I can't pinpoint when, how or why. I'm not sure what happened to make this "shift" come about - if it was something I read, something I heard or just a feeling that I had. And I can't even completely explain it.

It's kind of like when you're watching a movie and all of a sudden the screen looks like water rippling. I'm not sure if that makes any sense - it makes sense to me so I guess that's all that matters. (And no, that's not how it actually happened; my vision did not get like water rippling; that's just how I'm describing it.) Or kind of like when there's been an earthquake halfway across the world but you somehow feel it and know it happened even before hearing it on the news. I don't know how else to describe it.

I just feel different. And not in a bad way, but a good one!

-Kim

An epiphany?

Before I started to write this post I looked up the word epiphany just to make sure I was using it correctly and came up with this:

e·piph·a·ny /ɪˈpɪfəni/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[i-pif-uh-nee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun, plural -nies.

1.	(initial capital letter) a Christian festival, observed on January 6, commemorating the manifestation of Christ to the gentiles in the persons of the Magi; Twelfth-day.

2.	an appearance or manifestation, esp. of a deity.

3.	a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

4.	a literary work or section of a work presenting, usually symbolically, such a moment of revelation and insight.

And yes, after reading the definition I figured I'm using it correctly.

For a while now I've felt that I needed to go back and read the very 1st book that got me started in this new "awakening" or "becoming conscious": Ishmael. But I've been hesitant in starting it again for a few reasons; one being I have a list of other books I haven't read yet that I really want to get started on. Another reason being in the back of my mind I kept saying "I really don't need to read it again" but I wasn't sure why. Now I know why.

After reading the book Ishmael I had so many questions. The biggest one being of course "Now what? How do I help save the world?" I got my answer to this question a few minutes ago when I was online looking for an Ishmael "study" group. I came upon a question and answer page at the Ishmael website that made me smile. Daniel Quinn (the author of Ishmael) answered the question of how, which is what most people ask after reading his book.

His answer was this:

"By far the most frequently asked question I receive is some form of "Yes, but . . . what exactly am I supposed to DO?" There is no single recipe for saving the world (anymore than there is a single recipe for making a cake or building an aircraft). Rather there are six billion recipes, one for each of us, since each of us is uniquely placed in the world, with unique talents, opportunities, and circles of influence.

Humanity is teetering on the edge of extinction, and its future will be decided in the next half century. What is one to do about this? Albert Einstein said, "The world we have created is a product of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking."

I've often likened our situation to the beginning of the Renaissance. People weren't running around asking themselves, "How do we make this thing work?" The Renaissance didn't come about because people began to do new things; rather, new things began to be done because people were thinking in a new way. A new synergy developed that transformed European society. This is what must happen again, now, and this is something we can all collaborate on (and must collaborate on).

You ask what the narrator "would have done" following his encounter with Ishmael. That should be obvious. Ishmael told him to "teach a hundred what I've taught you and encourage them to teach a hundred." He did even better than that. He wrote a narrative of his encounter with Ishmael, thus sharing it with hundreds of thousands of readers around the world. That's not something "everyone" can do, of course. It was just what he could do, which is what everyone must discover for himself or herself (which was true for me as well).

After reading his answer was when the epiphany happened. I didn't realize it, but all of this time I have been answering my own question of how by trying to become a better person and reading all of the books that I have and doing my own research and trying to find my place in this world. The past year I have changed my way of thinking. I haven't been sweating the small stuff as much and have been working on being happy. And when this realization hit me a feeling welled up inside of me: one of completeness and love. And it feels awesome. I knew I was on my way but to actually "see it" is huge and one of the best feelings in the world.

I now don't feel as if I HAVE to read Ishmael again. At least, not right now.

-Kim

Reading Time

I'm reading the book "Eat Pray Love" right now, and it's quite different than I thought it would be. I was expecting an explosion of spiritual awakening, but so far (I'm 100 pages in) it's a more gentle experience.

I found quite a few lines that interested me, but one has really hit home: "The Bhagavad Gita- that ancient Indian Yogic text- says that it is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody Else's life with perfection." (pg 95).

This is true and obvious, but for some reason it really gave me pause. I have been thinking of my own life so far, and I have to question the validity of who I am versus who I'm trying to be. I think we all have a vision of our lives and what we're trying to accomplish, but are those lives without the influence of the people we meet? For instance: I have a friend who's financial standing is something that I would love to accomplish. I don't think I'll ever get to the point she is, in part due to my chosen line of work and the things that I value in my life that differ from hers. But, in striving to accomplish some sort of the same financial stability because by knowing her I know it can be done, am I trying to live "an imitation" of her life?

It's an interesting thought.

There are no coincidences!

I have always believed that there are no coincidences - that everything, good or bad, happens for a reason. I've also always believed that everyone you meet has something to teach you. Whether it's something about yourself, something about others, doesn't matter what it is. And lately, I've been more perceptive to everything: whether it's someone I make eye contact with, something that happens that teaches me something; whatever it is I'm more aware, more conscious.

Lately I've been having things just happen. I'll have questions and not too long after asking the question (most of the time asking myself the question) I'll get the answer somehow. If you recall, not too long ago I had a horrible nightmare. That same exact day I came upon a Dream Revealer website without doing a search for one. Coincidence? I think not.

Today, I blogged about feeling like I was stuck. This afternoon I came online and checked my Google Reader to see who of my bloggy friends had been busy and found this from the Peaceful Warrior Blog. And it made me feel so much better!!!! And then just an hour or so ago I came upon something on TV that was talking about places to stay that are literally out in the wilderness, far away from civilization! Just what I've been craving for lately.

This afternoon I also noticed my horoscope (which is odd because it's actually for Tuesday and not Monday - Monday being the day I found it on my homepage!):
Horoscope for July 29, 2008
Today's Libra Horoscope
(September 23 - October 22)

Relationships are more important to you now than ever, for you are working through very deep-rooted issues. Your current expectations may be based on lessons you learned in your childhood or even from early family dynamics. Understanding where you come from can clear your current perspective of unrealistic dreams that only set you up for disappointment. Engage in social activities without trying to turn them into anything but the simple pleasures that they are.

Trying to figure out my early childhood dynamics is something I've been doing now since I finished reading The Celestine Prophecy! More of which I'll blog about later on.

If I could just fall asleep right about now it would make my day! But my mind won't stop racing.

Feeling stuck!

I'm feeling stuck, almost at a standstill. The past month I've been heavily reading some great spiritual books which have helped me to grow spiritually. One was Way of the The Peaceful Warrior and the other was The Celestine Prophecy. Both are AWESOME, AWESOME books. Sean and I have also watched both movies and he actually liked both. The movie for Way of the Peaceful Warrior was horrible in my opinion - for those that have already read the book that is. It just didn't do the book justice. The movie for The Celestine Prophecy was better. Not as good as the book of course, but still okay. (If anyone is interested in either of these stories, read the book 1st!!!!!!) After reading these books I felt awesome. The Celestine Prophecy reminded me alot of Ishmael and My Ishmael- only giving you the answer to the question "how". And The Celestine Prophecy reminded me alot of A New Earth - only CP is in story form. And I felt great for a while. The past few days though I've almost felt stuck. Like I'm not sure how to proceed in a way. I keep having this urge to go away into nature for a few days and just sit. And I feel as if I can't move on until I do just that. That may sound crazy but it's how I feel.

-Kim

July 13th

I finally made it back to Church and I am starting to feel whole again. I had a few things I needed to make up my mind about and time is running short, so I decided now was the time to get back into the sort of "guided Spirituality" I so obviously needed.

I actually laughed out loud when Alan said, "This will be a discussion on Making Decisions"; I couldn't believe how obvious the Universe was being!

Alan started off by discussing how when you identify yourself with outer things such as your job, your political affiliation, etc., you are showing the 'small' part of yourself, the limited part of your being. In cases such as this we need to expand our ego (which, if you look the word up, truly means the identity you've created for yourself), to include our inner selves.

He also spoke about limits and how we are all guilty of arguing our limitations. "If only X hadn't happened to me, I could..." or, "I can't do X because of Y, Z..." We need to affirm the Greatest Good for ourselves every day! We need to believe and live the greatest good we can achieve for ourselves because, by allowing limits, we are denying the law of the Universe to work for us.

We also do this by allowing others to judge us, commended us... in essence limit us and who we are. We are connected at the core to everything and everyone, so we should never allow people's opinions of us to dictate our line of thinking. We know our goodness, know that there is a common good that we are all striving for, and we believe that everyone's heart and soul is attached to this goodness. People's negative thoughts and negative energies aren't the Truth!

So, all that being said, I have come to the conclusions that I'm happy with. I will not let the "I can't because..." and the "What if I'm wrong?" thoughts intrude upon my Truth!

Timing

I had a great disappointment yesterday and I found myself turning to my Spirituality. That was a fantastic moment because it was a completely unconscious mindset, which proves to me that I'm making progress in my journey!

My parents extended a fantastic offer to my husband and I last week that involved helping us to finance a house in their neighborhood. We saw the house, fell in love, and then my world fell in around us on Wednesday night when my husband said the horrible words, "It's just too much for us."

I cried, I blamed, I got angry. I became a monster inside and spent a great deal of time trying to figure out the center of my anger. Yes, I loved the house, loved the possibility of getting out of this slowly decaying neighborhood I'm in, adored the thought of living within walking distance of my parents... But there was more.

My husband worked the whole day pushing and pulling numbers. He talked to everyone he knew to talk to. He called banks, came up with plans, did some yelling, all while I sat here numb. I did some math of my own, but didn't come up with much (being dyslexic in these situations causes me more grief than results), but I did begin to feel better about it all at around noon on Thursday. I was a bit surprised, but I'm a "hard and fast" griever so I went with it.

We had a contract written up that night and, when ready to send it, got the word that a previous contract had just been received. Ours wasn't needed.

Now, I was expecting complete emotional destruction on my part. I couldn't believe that after all of that work, heartache, fighting, and detestation, that the Universe would just take what I wanted from my grasp!.... But, nothing happened. I was disappointed, but that's all: Disappointed.

I did some treatment work about the situation and then thought a lot about it all last night and this morning. It is so unlike me to look into defeat and just shrug my shoulders, but I have. I am still half waiting for a breakdown, but I just don't feel it, which makes me think that I'm beginning to get some control over my life.

That's what it boils down to, right? I think I freaked out in the beginning because I felt like I had no control over our situation; that we were stuck where we are. Then, when I saw there was a chance to change our position, I was able to calm down and relax. As for the disappointment in losing the house? I can only explain that by control as well. I did treatment work (control because I have Faith in the results) and, because I can accept that all of this fell apart for a reason, I experienced another aspect of control.

I truly believe the Universe did what it needed to do to keep me and my family safe, and who am I to argue that?

--- Jenn

The Power of Now!

Last week while waiting for Sean to get out of surgery I finished up the book A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and it was perfect timing. It made me feel so relaxed and has given me new ways to deal with life, people and situations in general. I felt rejuvenated after reading that and like a new person with a new outlook on life. I felt like I found another part of "home" just like I did when I went to my church for the first time last year and just like I did after reading my other favorite book Ishmael by Daniel Quinn or also like I did after watching The Secret.

I eventually am going to reread this book and will go over it chapter by chapter right here on this blog. But that will have to wait because while reading A New Earth, it kept referencing another book he'd written before this one called The Power of Now. I just got this one in the mail today and I am so excited to get started reading it.

I recommend any of these books to everyone! But, you have to be in a certain place in your life; you have to be ready for them. If, while starting to read any of them you can't get into the
book(s) or think "this is all fluff and stuff" or anything along those lines, you're not ready. It doesn't mean you never will be, just that you're not at the place you need to be at this time of your life to begin this new "state of consciousness" where we leave our egos behind.

-Kim

Spiritual Reading

I'm reading a great magazine right now called "Light of Consciousness". I really enjoy it because it isn't based off of one religion but rather incorporates all sorts of religious thoughts and writings.

I came across a very interesting article called "Awakening to Our Own Light" by Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee. To quote:

"Our Higher Self carries a light that belongs to God. When we are born, we carry a spark of this light into our human incarnation; it illuminates the experiences of our early childhood, showing us a world that is fully alive, full of magic and wonder. But slowly, as the adult world closes around us, the spark of our Higher Self gets covered over by the dust and debris of the world, of our conditioning, our desires, our concern with success and failure, our need to compete; it "fades into the common light of day." It might reappear briefly, as the light of conscience that tries to point us in the right direction or the spark of intuition that comes unbidden into our consciousness. But mostly it is hidden, forgotten like the wonder of the world we saw as children. We no longer see the world by the bright light of what is real; we see "through a glass darkly," through the shadowy, distorting light of the ego."

It goes on to discuss the rekindling of that spark, our reawakening, the journey we may take. It also the awareness of divine Oneness (being one with the Universe is my take on that), and responsibility global consciousness requires.

It's a great article. In fact, the whole magazine is fantastic! It's not all parallel to my line of thinking, but I like learning about other peoples' views so it's given me a lot to mull over. I've been reading is as part of my "Challege" this week from the Church and I'm glad I picked it up.

--Jenn

Challenged!

Alan spoke today, "What Type of Witness Are You?". I love listening to him because he's so dynamic!

He led with the idea that people with big minds talk about concepts, people with average minds talk about events, and people with small minds talk about other people. I almost laughed out loud when he said that because, in thinking back over the last few years, he couldn't be more right when it comes to the company I had been keeping! I was brought back to a few specific instances when I was surround by people who couldn't help but spend the majority of their time talking about other people and, as I continued to stand by them, I got a first-row look into their small-mindedness. From what I've learned, such verbal behavior is usually an indication of the way such people conduct their whole lives, and sadly it seems to be a behavior pattern that doesn't change often.

Another interesting thought brought up was that Spirit will reveal the Truth about us and others if we stop judging appearances. That keeps running through my mind because it's so amazingly simple in theory, but so hard to keep in one's head. In today's society we are bombarded with news stories, images in the media, fast technology where we get receive information from family and friends with lightning speed, not to mention that we are constantly given insight to others' opinions through blogs and other 'personal' formats. It almost impossible form an opinion about something before hearing about someone Else's view of the situation!

One of the greatest things he discussed was the idea that we know our own Truth through experiences. External "testimony" versus internal testimony- meaning we must live consciously our we run the risk of becoming a 'false witness' by not testifying by our own experiences. For instance: If we've heard something and repeated it, not knowing if it's in fact the "Truth" for us because we've never lived it, is that truthful testimony? As he so bluntly put it, "Is that a Truth you're willing to die for?" In essence, it's living by default rather than living by design!

So, here's the challenge he put forth to us today:

1. Refuse to be a small person with a small mind. No gossip!
2. Go on a news fast. Don't fill your day with images and testimony from 'sources' other than yourself! Go with the premise "I know what I need to know when I need to know it."
3. Do 15 minutes of spiritual work a day (reading, meditating, writing... What ever brings you spiritual peace). He then requested that 7.5 minutes of that be meditation.

Think you could follow this? I know a lot of people who couldn't do it! I'm going to try...

-- Jenn

Love

Love was the topic last Sunday. That's a pretty broad subject and one that I'm not too comfortable with to be honest. I feel that people say "I love you," all the time and don't mean it or, if they do mean it at the time, it's usually a fleeting feeling that ends up dissipating or changing form soon after the words are spoken. *Shrug* I know, it's an 'issue' of mine.

Anyway, the whole discussion what wonderful in it's delivery, but two things really stood out in my mind.

The first was the sentiment that noticing our shortcomings in love is a sure sign of potential change. This was a huge thing for me to hear, because for a long time I've been thinking about the way I love. It may sound strange, but I protect myself very carefully and have for a good number of years. It's become very evident in the past four years; ever since having my son in fact. I am terrified of loving someone 100% because the very thought of allowing myself to feel something so deeply and completely and then having it taken away, leaves me with such a sense of dread and fear that I almost can't breathe. I am very aware that I don't love my spouse or my son with abandon and I've been working to change that. I love them the most and the best I can, but I also know that I don't love recklessly and leave my heart wide open to everything. I know some of that is left over from the horrible start my son had in life and the weeks I spent preparing myself to lose him, and I know as far as my spouse goes it has a lot to do with fear of losing him as well, but I also know that I want to let go and love like there is no end in sight. I've gotten close with my son, but every time I experience such an overwhelming rush of emotion I pull myself back because I become terrified. My hope is that, in recognizing that I'm missing so much, I can change this. I know I'm missing out!

The second thing I found so moving was the deliverance of the thought: You can always find a way over the tallest mountain. Even when it looks like you've reached the end of the path and no matter where you turn there are objects blocking you're travel, continuing looking. It may take some time and it may take a little bit of imagination and thinking outside of the norm, but there is always a path, even if it's one that leads straight up and appears to be too difficult to navigate. It isn't, once you put one foot in front of the other.

--- Jenn

Searching...

I find that whenever someone close to me passes away, I start searching for answers to questions. My father's cousin lost his battle with cancer last night and all day today I've had sobbing fits. I feel much better having found a church I call home and having some better answers, but I'm still a bit lost. And it's not with the question of "where is he now" it's more of thinking of him saying goodbye to all his loved ones this past week and then they in turn saying goodbye to him. He'll never again be able to hold his wife, or see his children or grandchildren smile or hear them laugh. Never be able to watch the sunset or ride out on a boat which was one of his favorite past times. All of that is the hardest part of death for me.

Last week when I found out from my mom how bad he'd gotten, she told me that his wife had said he was depressed and would lay in bed all day. And when he got up out of bed he'd just sit in his chair. A little over a week ago was when they told him to go home and have Hospice come in and that he had a year left. That was only a little over a week ago. I'm wondering if he just gave up the fight. And if he did, I don't blame him at all. I just wonder if having a doctor tell you that, sometimes isn't a help at all. I'm so hoping that his last week was filled with family and love and not pain or sorrow or even regrets.

Even though I have somewhere to go now for answers, I still find myself searching. I'm not sure if I'll ever find the answers.

-Kim

May 4th

Rev. Nikki was sick today so the "Roving Rev" Maria filled in. She was great; I really enjoy when I hear 'new' people's delivery of the Science of Mind thought.

Rev. Maria discussed how our minds are like gardens. Now, I know we've all heard that analogy before, but humor me by reading through this because there's a lot to be said for listening to someones viewpoint for half and hour...

"There is a time and a season for every purpose", just like there is a time and a season within our gardens. I really like that mental image because, as I get older, I've found that there is a lot in life that has come and gone. Some things I'm glad to see disappear, but there are other things I'm sad to see end. If I use the above quote to sort of describe the events that cause me sadness, I can see there there really are reasons for the endings. I may wish that I could get these things back again, but in reality their season really has come to end, either because I've changed so much that they no longer hold a place in my life, or the situations themselves were keeping me from growing into the person I want to be.

In going along with those thoughts, there is the premise that forms constantly change. Some forms have to stay the same in order to counteract this phenomenon, the greatest of which is, of course, the Universe, but there are others like love, knowledge.... Because these constants are always constant, we must practice "non-attachment" to those things that do change. This is a hard concept for me to grasp because, in all reality, the way I approach things is hard-driven and 'in it till the end'. Of course, as I think of all the things that have changed these past few years, all of the situations include me giving my whole heart, giving 100% of myself to every one of them. And, why was that? Because I truly viewed them all as "forever," just as I do most things.

In thinking of the mind, it stands to reason that "we get exactly what we plant". Just like gardening, when we 'plant' something (thoughts vs. seeds), the soil doesn't judge or try to change what's planted there; it just cultivates what is. An amazing concept in it's simplicity, but that's what makes it such a great Truth!

Another topic was one about Joy. If we as people aren't experiencing Joy, what's missing? Sometimes we just need to get back to basics in order to recapture that Joy, and sometimes we need a little more, but the fact of the matter is that most times where we're "off center" it's the basics we've forgotten about. Just like when we studied math in school, if we didn't have the basics down, the rest of it just couldn't make sense, right?

Everything we need in life is within us, and just like a seed, we just need to cultivate it to make it bloom. If we could stop thinking "Life would be better when...." and start thinking of how we can bloom where we are, just think of how much happiness and contentment we'd have just by being us!

--Jenn

Happiness Project

Our Church is doing some exciting things right now, one of which is the "Happiness Project".

There are two big jars set up in the back of the Church, one for 'happy things' and one for things you're letting go of. We fill out little slips of paper for each appropriate thought, and drop it into the jar to symbolize our inner growth and notice of things that are good.

Then we have the "Happiness Commandments" to create. We have twelve that we're supposed to come up with, and then in mid-June we're going to all come together and share our creations. What a great way to spend Spring; thinking about all the good and the good way to live and conduct ourselves!

I thought this was a wonderful exercise because, as I sat down to think, it was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be! How often do we really spend time thinking of happy ways to live our lives? I'm sure we all have the usual, "Be nice to others, treat people how you want to be treated," ideas, but to find twelve is quite a test.

I came up with seven yesterday. I had an event occur that really upset me, so I decided it was the perfect time to work on something like this. So, here are my seven:

1. Remember: They're having their own life experiences
2. What doesn't effect me shouldn't affect me
3. There's a positive lesson to every experience if we just take the time to find it.
4. Listen; don't just hear what people are telling you
5. You can only live your own life, not anyone else's
6. Act as you want to feel
7. Intuition is important. Remember to listen to yourself

That took me an hour.

I encourage you to try it yourselves! Try it and see how you do; I'd be interested to hear about it.

- Jenn

April 27th

Today's sermon was... different. Kim, my mom, and I left there kind of scratching our heads in wonderment, trying to make sense of the words we heard.

The discussion was about "Bones and Legos" and how multi-million dollar companies are spending $7,000 to have two-day workshops where they build 'abstract manifestations' of real working situations. That led to the story in the Bible about bones coming together to become human... and at first I didn't get it.

As I've mulled it over today I think I have an idea of what she was trying to communicate, at least in my own mind: It's sort of like in life when you have piles of things and you aren't sure how to create a final project/result. You look and think and make plans in your mind... but it's really your faith and belief that guides you toward a solution, just like having a pile of bones snap into place.

I wanted to give a brief update on my a/c situation as well: Turns out it was only a $250 fix. Not only that, we got a great quote on a new unit that will save us about 50% on our fuel bill. Not a bad result for someone who didn't even know how they were going to pay for it to get fixed!

Needing to Hear

Today they spoke about finding your oasis in the desert. It was a wonderful sermon, and it was just what I needed to hear.

I've been feeling a little down the past few days, worrying about finances and other such things, and then on Friday night our air conditioning broke. Living in Florida without a/c is almost unthinkable, and when it happened all I could do was cry because I know that a new a/c unit is thousands of dollars. We don't have hundreds of dollars, let alone thousands! So, this event coupled with some other things that have happened led me to give up. I am usually the one to find positive in everything, to point out what good can come of something, but this was all too much to bear. I even said, "That's it. I don't care anymore. We never get ahead as hard as we try, so I'm over it. I'm done."

I wasn't going to go to Church this afternoon (a sure sign that I needed to go) but my mom comes with me now and I know she needs it. She was diagnosed with breast cancer two months ago (her second time) and I know she finds a lot of peace within the walls of the Church, part of which comes from us going together, so I got myself together to go.

I'm glad I did! The discussion centered around mirages and how they are real concrete things that exist somewhere but appear somewhere else, and how we as humans allow the same occurrence within our own lives to manifest in doubt and fear. For instance; The air conditioner breaking this weekend was true and real enough, but my fear about not having the money to fix it is the mirage; the image of my uncertainty manifesting as disbelief. This disbelieving in God's ability to provide what I need is in itself a mirage! Because of this I know I need to reevaluate myself and my feelings, my inner self and my confidence that I will have the means for the repairs. The other part of this scenario, the means of not getting one's self trapped into following a mirage, is to stop focusing on the horizon. That is, stop looking at the future and the "what ifs" and "if x than y," because that takes the focus off of the now and on the Truth that we know and feel within ourselves.

As I thought more about this, I realized a few interesting things. One is that the temperatures here in Florida are unseasonably low, so we haven't even needed the a/c and won't for a few days. Secondly, by the time we do need it, my overtime should come through and we should be OK. Thirdly, why am I starting to doubt the Universe now? In all the years past we have struggled financially but we have survived. We have had close calls many, many times, and somehow the Universe has provided for us in one way or another. Where some people have a lot of money at their disposal and lack in other areas of their life, we seem to lack in the finance area, yet thrive in all the other major aspects of life. This is what I am thankful for, and I have to remind myself that money really isn't everything, even though it is nice to have.

It's amazing how frustration and fear can manifest itself in so many different ways! I recognize it in myself when I get angry because I know that's how I deal with emotions... What about you? How do you deal with emotions of unrest and unknowing? Is it something you can change? Is it something you want to change, or are you comfortable expressing and feeling things the way you do? How can you go about changing?....

--Jenn

My first meditation

Warning - this post could be long since it's been a while for me when it comes to posting on this blog so just bear with me. :)

I hadn't been to church before last night in a really long time. Between soccer and other commitments and then Sean being gone for work, I just haven't been able to get there. And I have felt that feeling of peace slowly slipping away over time. I know I've stated before, whether it was on here or one of my other blogs that since last summer, I had such an overwhelming feeling of peace and happiness in my heart and in my gut that it felt awesome. I don't know how else to describe it. I know it was a bunch of things happening at once that made me feel that way: finally finding a place to go (a church) where I felt at home at and not like an outsider; forming an awesome friendship with someone whom I believe we were meant to form that friendship at that time; reading book after book and learning that I've already been on my way to enlightenment or awakening or consciousness and I didn't even know it; or just sharing stories with my new found friend of our pasts and our presents and even our futures. But something happened, as again I've said before, around the holidays in December where I felt that feeling slipping away. It could be because of a number of things: my parents health, the stress of the holidays, too much going on. Whatever it was, since then that feeling in my gut and in my heart hasn't been felt.

Until last night. Our church had a meditation and prayer service since it was Good Friday and I am so happy I went. I NEEDED last night more then I originally thought. Before getting there Jenn called me to let me know there were only 3 cars in the parking lot and 1 was hers. In any other situation, I'm horrible in small numbers, especially when it comes to people I don't really know. And as she's telling me this I waited for that nervous feeling in my gut to start and to tell me to flee; to say to her "OK, let's skip this and just go right to dinner". But that feeling didn't come. Maybe it was because I knew I needed to be there and I know how at peace I have felt in the past just from being there. I got there and there were only 6 of us. I sat down in my chair and started talking to Jenn and slowly felt my shoulders relaxing.

As Rev. Nikki started talking, I felt once more at home. Her voice is so soothing and the music that was playing was so relaxing, it just kind of all came together for me. She told the story of what Good Friday meant and then we all entered into a prayer and meditation where instead of talking about the 7 crosses that Jesus had to "wear" she talked about 8 comments or suggestions while we prayed and meditated. What is surprising to me is that for that meditation I was able to close my eyes and not worry there there were only 4 other people in the room that I didn't know - something that a year or so ago I would have been mortified with and the thought of closing my eyes would have scared me. I didn't give it a second thought.

As we meditated and I had my eyes closed and I listened to Rev. Nikki talk a feeling I've never experienced before came over me: first it was like my whole body was kind of gelling together if that makes sense; like my two hands (which were touching each other) had become one. And then it was like I couldn't even feel my body at all. It was beautiful and awesome and I felt whole and at peace with myself and the world.

What Rev. Nikki would do with those 8 suggestions was to say it and then be still so that we could all pray about it and meditate over it and know that it is or it can be. One of the 8 suggestions she said was (and this isn't word for word since I can't remember it) to love everyone and to not hate. And as she stopped talking to let us ponder it, I thought about that. I definitely don't love everyone - right now. But there is no one that I hate. I may not understand people and their actions, nor will ever be compatible with some, but I can honestly say I do not hate. I may get pissed off at people at times, (like I was at the guy honking at me last night on my way to church) but I let myself feel that feeling (which is the ego talking) and then let it go. I truly don't believe that we, as human beings, can allow hatred to enter our lives if we want to be happy.

We were there for a little over an hour and I walked out of there feeling that peace in my gut and my heart that had been gone since the holidays. I felt in control again. I came home and instead of going right to sleep, I read the book I've been reading called A New Earth and learned about the "pain body" and it just all clicked - my "pain body", which had been dormant since last summer, had returned for whatever reason over the holidays and it was what was making me miserable. (I'll get into the "pain body" in another post but not today.) But after last night at church and now knowing what the "pain body" is and how to control it, I'm hoping to not only keep this feeling of peace that I have but to help it grow within myself and my family and friends.

(Edited to add an hour after writing this):
The Daily Motivation for today was so fitting for me that I cried when I read it (happy tears).

Daily Motivator

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Your moment to fulfill

This day is too valuable to waste. The people in your life are too beautiful to ignore.

Take a moment to remember how fortunate you are to be you. Take a look around, with your eyes lovingly and enthusiastically open to the possibilities.

Most of what you fear does not even exist. Much of what you love is closer than you realize.

You are just one small step away from being on the path toward your most treasured dream. You are just one brief thought away from understanding the richness that is your life.

You have traveled a long way to be where you are. With every step you have gained something of real and lasting value.

Now is a day to move forward with more experience, knowledge and wisdom than ever before. Now is your moment to realize and fulfill the miracle that is your life.

-- Ralph Marston

And so it is....

-Kim

The Laughing Club of India

The week before Jenn went back to work I went over to her house to watch some films and they were all great! What awesome messages they had! But for this post, I want to focus on one that really made me think. It was a documentary called The Laughing Club of India and it was inspiring! They have clubs over in India (and also here in America) called Laughing Clubs and what they do is meet in a park and just laugh! It takes any stress or tension they might be feeling and makes it feel like it's nothing. They laugh in many different ways and there is usually a leader who tells them how to laugh (with your tongue out, like a lion or tiger, or just a hearty laugh). And watching that, makes you laugh.

I've thought about this documentary since watching it that day, but with our schedules hadn't had a chance to research it. Until yesterday. Our schedules have been so crazy that I haven't been to church in a while and now with Sean gone won't get there for another 6 weeks (actually more since once he gets back we're off to NC for spring break). So I'm trying to keep up with it my own way and it's hard. This weekend I'm going to come up with some kind of routine for daily meditation, reading and just sticking to it.

Anyway, back to the Laughter Club. This week has been hard with Sean gone. And yesterday my parents left to go back to Jacksonville so I was feeling sad and lonely. Last night at dinner I was just in a really bad mood. At one point the kids just started laughing for no reason. It was that hearty, kids laugh too that makes you smile and laugh yourself. And that reminded me of the Laughing Club. So I joined in and started laughing which got the kids roaring with laughter. And it felt SO good! It completely turned my mood around and the rest of the night we played a new game Kieran got for his birthday and just had fun. I have to admit it felt a bit weird at first and I kept thinking to myself "if people saw us now they'd think we were nuts" but that feeling didn't last long. If I can remember to do this whenever I'm feeling sad or depressed or just blah, I know it will turn my mood around completely and make a bad day - better.

Laughter really is the best medicine!

-Kim

Nothing Is Real To Us Unless We Make it Real

Yesterday's message was, as usual, right on point for me. Paraphrased, it was that we can't try to shape our lives by trying to manipulate what we need. We spend so much time trying to "fit a square peg in to a round hole" that we miss what is right in front of us! By having such preconceived notions of what is good for us, we sometimes walk right by what is being offered.

I've been working on this a lot the past few months. When I find myself getting focused on one thing, trying to figure out how to make it work without really analysing the problem and all the possibilities, I stop myself and remember that the Universe knows what I need. I have lessons to learn and experiences to be lived, yet the Universe will ultimately provide for me as needed. I have to trust, to have faith, that it will work out just as it should. Don't get me wrong; I do ask for what I want, but I have changed the way of my request. Rather than giving specifics I give a general outline and I make sure to add that what I want must be "for the higher and greater good of everyone involved."

True, the very act of asking for something gives me a sense of control, plus it slows my thought process enough to flip my situation around and find the positive in it. For instance; I've found that when I get disappointed by people's behavior I take a step back and think about why it's happening in my life. What am I learning from it? Is there something that I'm meant to see? Is there somewhere that it's going to lead me? More often than not I find my anger lessening, a greater understanding about the issue occurs, and in turn I get that control over my life back. Now, sometimes I'm slow in finding the answer or the answer ends up being something that I don't want to hear, but I always find the Truth in it at the end.

I have put in to action some of the things that I have learned and come to understand since I started living this Truth and I can honestly say that my life is that much better for it. I have stepped away from situations that were poison to me, distanced myself from people who hurt me or didn't respect my place in their life, and I've managed to see many instances where I've gotten in the Universe's way and, in turn, am learning how to step aside. There is much, much more for me to learn, but I am confident that I am on the right path!

-- Jenn

"The Way It Works"

"Nothing is real to us unless we make it real. Nothing can touch us unless we let it touch us. Refuse to have feelings hurt. Refuse to receive anyone's condemnation. Believe and feel that you are wonderful. This is not conceit- it is the Truth."

--- Science of the Mind Textbook, page 307-- Holmes

That was the opening prayer on Sunday. It was truly ironic that this message was given to me not two hours before hearing some news that plunged me into an emotional tailspin. My grief was so real and so raw I could feel my heart ripping apart, and I could hear my soul weep. I allowed myself some time to feel the anger and self-pity, but then I gathered myself together and did my best to put in to practice what I have been learning.

The sermon this week was, as usual, fantastic. I listened with my whole being for the full hour, almost as if I knew that something was amiss in the world outside of the church. It was a great hour and I left there feeling such peace, just as always.

Of the most meaningful to me this week were the following:

When we feel lost or lack of wisdom, look within. We all have it, we just need to learn how to access it. We need to believe that we have the wisdom, this Spirit, just as we believe gravity and it's existence. I thought this was a very powerful thought and I've done a lot of ruminating on this the past day or two. To believe in something, to trust something because your soul just feels it, is an amazing thing. The thought of being so grounded in Faith to the point of not questioning it and living your life like it just is, amazes me. This is what I strive for; the constant feeling that "it" is within me!

Two of the best quotes I've heard in a while were uttered during this service. "A double minded man gets nowhere," and, "The archer hit the target in part by pulling away and in part by letting go." I won't taint your interpretations of these quotes, but what I got out of them were pretty poignant!

-- Jenn

"In Confidence, Trust & Faith, I Let Go of the Problem & I Receive the Answer"

I've been thinking about the questions our Reverend asked during the service on December 30th. I'm not sure if I'll ever have "the" answer, but I can definitely review my life the past year and apply the questions she asked to how I lived my life.

Did I improve my life? I can honestly say that I have. When I lost my first pregnancy in February I thought my life was over. I lived in a fog for a while, and then when I lost my second pregnancy in May I was just numb. I struggled a lot but I also used that point in my life to really study what my feelings of the Universe were, what "faith" meant to me, and what possible benefit I could find among the ruins of those two experiences. Then, mid-year I had some challenges socially and I spent a good deal of time questioning my own worth, as well as trying to figure out the true meaning of friendship. When I lost my job in September, well, that was an amazing thing to me. My priorities ended up snapping in to place, and I realized some amazing things about myself. From that point onward I have been working on my own life and making sure that I am 100% present in it. I have discovered that I spent a good deal of energy worrying about external factors that were beyond my control when, in actuality, I needed to spend more time within; that doing so would only better my outlook on the situations that seemed confusing or bleak.

Did I apply myself to the spiritual truth? This is a little bit harder for me to answer because I am still learning with the 'spiritual truth' fully encompasses, but I do think that I've started down the correct path! Finding Church, good supportive friends, and learning how I want to live my life was a terrific beginning...

Do I have plans toward wholeness? I do! I'm starting classes at Church and I have devoted more time to what makes me, me. I read more, I think about the "big picture" of life, and I am constantly working toward bettering myself and my reactions vs. situations and conditions that only include me (rather than those that are mine alone).

-- Jenn